


Fault

by Randstrom



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Dating, Depression, Doki Doki Literature Club! Spoilers, Drug Use, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Past Sexual Abuse, Platonic Relationships, Roommates, Self-Harm, Sexual Assault, Sexuality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2020-02-10 03:16:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18651781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randstrom/pseuds/Randstrom
Summary: "Sometimes, no matter how prepared we think we are, terrible things happen, and there's nothing we can do about it. The world can be a scary, random place.”Natsuki and Yuri are roommates in their early-mid 20s, trying to pursue their passions and make it in the world. When tragedy strikes, will they be able to navigate the murky, gray waters of causality and blame to save their friendship?





	1. Prologue (0)

**Author's Note:**

> This work is meant to be part of the same timeline as my others, but it can sort of stand on its own too. If you want to start here rather than reading the other stuff, just know that this is a timeline where MC did his best to be a good, supportive friend to all his clubmates, rather than trying to romance one of them.
> 
> TW for referenced self-harm, referenced drug use, referenced child abuse, referenced sexual assault, referenced suicide attempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri goes to visit her close friend and bandmate, Shiba, but the evening doesn't go as usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty long, but I didn't want to break the prologue up into multiple parts. Future chapters will probably be about half this length.  
> Checkout my previous works, or at least the work's main notes for background about the timeline this takes place in.

Yuri sat on the city bus, wearing dark blue jeans and an oversized pullover hoodie. Her backpack sat on her lap, and her bass case was propped up in front of her. She tried to convince herself that the large black rectangle would shield her from any eyes that it would draw. Yuri didn't like being conspicuous, which was why she dressed in drab, baggy clothing in public. It wasn’t that she thought people would actually care enough to look at her; the reality of her self-perception was quite the opposite. It was just the potential that people might notice her. Might try to interact with her. 

_ Calm down, this is good. Avoiding public transport will only make the anxiety worse, and I’m doing… okay I guess.  _

 

It wasn’t often that Yuri rode the bus without the company of her roommate, Natsuki, or one of her other close friends. Having a companion with whom she was comfortable helped immensely, but today it couldn’t be helped. They had their own lives and schedules after all. For the time being, she searched her foggy recollection of the therapy she used to attend for anxiety management techniques. After some time, the bus reached the stop that Yuri was waiting for, and she stepped out into the fragrant spring air.

 

The neighborhood was placid in the late morning sunshine, and residents walked their dogs among the budding trees, vine-covered cement walls, and drainage canals. This area, at the edge of the city, was more peaceful than her own neighborhood. The air was a pleasant temperature, but the sun’s rays made Yuri sweat beneath her long sleeves. The dark purple hue of her long hair certainly didn't help to reflect much sunlight.

_ It’s okay, I’m almost at Shiba’s place. _

 

When she rounded the corner onto the cracked pavement of his street, the humble little house greeted her, and filled her with a sense of belonging and home. Yuri knocked on the door, framed on either side by charmingly overgrown bushes, and shaded by an old bani tree. After a moment, it swung open to reveal a tall, tattooed man with a stubbly face and a light brown ponytail. He grinned, enthusiastically pulling her into a tight hug. 

 

“Yuyu! There she is! It's been awhile since you came to hang out.”

_ Ah I wish he didn’t squeeze so tight. I'm being suffocated here. _

 

After a moment he loosened his grip enough for her to speak. 

“Hi Shiba-nee. I know. I've been swamped with contracts lately. It's nice to have the extra money coming in, but I've been exhausted. And I've missed you.”

 

Pressed against his worn music festival tee shirt, Yuri noticed that the smell of cannabis was stale, and much weaker than she’d become accustomed to. 

“Did you quit smoking?”

 

Shiba scratched at his chin.

“You were always complaining about the smell, and money's been a little tight the past month anyway, so…”

 

Yuri smiled.

“W-well I'm proud of you. It’s not easy to kick that kind of habit.”

 

His eyes shifted down towards the floor.

“...yeah… Anyway, come on in!”

 

As soon as the door was closed behind her, Yuri tore off her hoodie. Her short-sleeved shirt left the marred skin of her arms exposed, but Shiba was one of her closest friends, and she could mostly handle being vulnerable around him. Despite that, she couldn’t help but stare at the scars.  _ God, look at this disgusting mess that I've made of my body.  _ She hardly noticed them in day-to-day life but in front of others, she became uncomfortably aware.

 

She must have been zoned out for a while, because Shiba came over and tapped on her head. 

“Hey. Stop thinking bad things. The scars are starting to fade quite a bit. It looks like you've been doing good.”

 

Yuri forced a smile.

_ The scars on my upper legs are still really dark, but he doesn't need to know about those. I guess I am doing alright though; even those ones are six months old. _

 

Walking past and opening the fridge, Shiba called back.

“I've got some lemonade in here. What do you want for lunch?”

 

“O-oh I'm okay. You don't need to make me anything.”

 

He turned around, taking a sassy stance.

“C'mon, dude, let me, like,  _ do nice things _ for my kid-sister Yuyuuuu.”

 

“ _ Kid sister?  _ You met me four years ago, and even then I was legally an adult. It's not like we grew up together,” Yuri quipped.

 

Shiba rolled his eyes. 

“You know what I mean, you dork. You're like family to me.”

 

_ He was trying to be nice. Did I hurt him by playing it off? _

 

“I feel the same way. A-about you, I mean. The family part, not the dork part. I'm... s-sorry.”

Yuri felt a hot wash of embarrassment ripple through her skin. She was quite insecure about the way her thoughts and speech would become tangled and scattered when she was nervous or flustered.

 

“Relax, Yuri. Remember who you're talking to. No need to feel anxious when you're around me.”

 

He handed her a bowl of rice and vegetables that she hadn't noticed he'd been preparing for her. 

_ Look at me, having to be soothed and cared for like this. I guess I really am just a useless kid after all. _

“Thanks, Shiba.”

 

Despite the shameful feeling, Yuri’s mood gradually improved as they ate and joked together. She loved hearing Shiba gossip and complain about his coworkers, and she’d come to learn quite a lot about them, despite never having met them. It was as if they were characters in a show that she followed, and she was catching up on the past few months of drama.

 

Once their stomachs had been filled and their bowls had been washed, she reached for her bass case. 

 

He smiled at her. 

“You’re ready, then?”

 

With a nod, she lugged her instrument to the adjacent room, and began to unpack. From the corner she pulled her bass amp. Yuri didn't have much room in her apartment, and she couldn’t play it there anyway, so Shiba let her keep it at his place. As she plugged in and made sure her bass was in tune, she noticed the forest of metal poles and fasteners that supported shiba's drum kit was not quite as dense as she had become accustomed to.

 

She questioned, “Shiba, what happened to those new cymbals you got last year? The chinas and the second ride?” 

 

Stretching his arms as he sat on his drum throne, Shiba replied “I, uuh… had to pawn them to pay some bills.”

 

Taken aback, Yuri stopped mid warmup. 

“What?!? Is it really that tight? You saved up for ages to get those! H-how much did you borrow on them? I might be able to lend you the money to get them back.”

 

After a moment of hesitation, Shiba looked down at his feet. “N-no. I... can’t take money from you, Yuri. It’s not right.”

 

Yuri tried to retaliate “Shiba, I’ve been making good money lately. I can-”

 

“ _ Stop it _ stop stop stop. No.” His voice was firm, but then he took on a lighter tone. “I’m not hearing any of that. Now show me this amazing riff you were talking so much about last week.”

 

Yuri tended to shy away from confrontation unless something was extremely important to her, so she relented. After a brief awkward silence, Shiba started playing a beat from one of Yuri’s favorite songs. Together, the pair jammed, bantered, and refined some song ideas they’d been working on for their band. 

 

After four hours, they’d had their fun and ironed out what they needed to for the songs. It was fairly early in the evening, but Yuri wanted to be comfortable, so she changed into her pajamas- a soft, oversized t shirt and long basketball shorts. When she emerged from the bathroom, she saw Shiba swallowing pills from an orange bottle.

 

“What are those, Shiba-nee?”

 

He turned around, startled. 

“O-oh, they’re just for my back.”

 

_ His back? But that surgery was months ago... I’m probably just overthinking. _

Despite her concern, Yuri kept quiet. She flopped onto the couch and called out “So are we having a rematch from last time?”

 

Her friend returned to the living room, avoiding eye contact. “Actually my game station is… with the cymbals. I was thinking we could just, like, watch some movies and stuff instead.”

 

Yuri awkwardly stammered for a second while she processed what he meant. “O-oh. Sure.”

 

They settled in to watch their movies, snacking and chatting throughout the night. Yuri had fun, but she couldn’t quite shake a feeling of unease. Around one o’clock in the morning, she noticed that Shiba was fidgeting and squirming in his seat. This behavior was common for her, but not so much for her companion. When she was about to say something he stood up, walking back into the kitchen. She heard the clatter of the pill bottle from earlier.

 

Dread sank and settled at the bottom of her stomach.

_ God dammit, Shiba, no. _

Her heart raced as his footsteps approached, and she braced herself for what she had to say.

 

“H-have you... talked to anyone about those pills?”

 

He cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

 

“The pain pills. That you s-sold your cymbals and game console to get more of. You got addicted to them after the surgery, didn’t you?”

 

“Jeez, that’s quite the conspiracy theory you’ve got there. I’m not-”

 

Frustration and heartache were starting to seep into Yuri’s voice as she forcefully replied, “Don’t play dumb, Shiaba! D-d-do you think I can't see what's going on?!?” 

 

Something in Shiba’s brain snapped, and he was suddenly fuming. He shouted at her, “NO! No, I don't think you can! You're a neurotic, autistic  _ bitch  _ who can't read people or situations well enough to hold a fucking conversation with a  _ normal human being!  _ And suddenly you think you're a goddamn detective? For  _ years _ I’ve put up with it and treated you well, and now you’re accusing me of some bullshit? Get the  _ fuck _ out of my house!”

 

Yuri wanted to be ‘the fuck out of his house.’ To be as far away as possible. But for several excruciating seconds, she was frozen. Paralyzed with shock. Shiba was one of the few people she felt safe and at home with. Now, in the most hurtful way possible, he'd just confirmed what she’d feared deep down for years.

 

_ How could anybody put up with someone as annoying and oblivious as me for so long? It's just a matter of time before Natsuki and MC and everyone else get fed up with me too. I knew this was too good to be true. _

 

She didn’t even remember what they had been fighting about before he said that. It felt like a black hole had formed in her gut, and was devouring her from the inside. Like she would collapse in on herself at any moment. 

 

Yuri hadn't been breathing. It wasn't that she had been trying to hold her breath, but her lungs had been still nonetheless. When she tried to take air, her diaphragm spasmed strangely, and Yuri realized, as if from a third person perspective, that she was crying. The sensation of her sobs intensifying brought her back to reality.

 

Yuri turned and ran from the shattered safehaven as fast as her shaky legs would carry her, which incidentally, was not very fast. Eventually, though, she found herself standing, bleary-eyed and out of breath, several blocks from where she had started. Sitting down against a street light pole at the edge of a dry drainage canal, Yuri let the tears come; trying to fight them would only prolong the hurt. When they had run out, she practiced one of the deep-breathing exercises she'd learned years ago in therapy and thought about what to do next. 

 

The busses didn't run this late. She  _ really _ didn't want to interact with any other people, so she considered walking. It was an hour by foot to her apartment, though, and she’d have to pass through some not-so-quaint neighborhoods. Yuri pulled out her phone, and began dialing her roommate's number out of habit. 

_ Shit, what am I doing? What’s Nat gonna be able to do with the busses stopped?  _

 

Ridesharing apps were banned in her country of Pacifica, pending new legislation in response to tax scandals. There were still taxi services she could call, but when her hands brushed against the pockets of her pajama shorts, Yuri came to the sickening realization that her wallet was in her backpack, which she had left at Shiba’s when she ran out. She thought about who she knew that owned a vehicle. Monika had a car, but she attended university in another city with Sayori. MC had one too, but he was out of town, spending the weekend with the two of them.

 

_ Maybe I can call Kiichi… wait, no, He sold that truck when he switched apartments. What do I do? Should I just go back? Would he even let me in?  _

 

Just as hopelessness began to settle in, Yuri remembered one more person who might be able to help her. MC's dad, Pedro, was a sort of father-figure to Yuri and Nat. He’d always been supportive of her, and had expressed on many occasions that she could call him if she ever needed anything. 

_ I guess this qualifies, right? It's so late though... _

It took a few minutes, but she was able to harden her resolve enough to call. Pedro groggily answered the phone, “Hello?”

 

“Um, h-hi Mr. Cisternas. I'm really sorry for waking you.”

 

“Ah Tímida!” His accented voice lit up as he called her by his special nickname. “Is everything okay? Are you hurt? You sound… distressed.”

 

“I-I… uh… I'm kind of s-stranded out on the edge of the city without my wallet, and I'm… scared to walk all the way home this late. W-would you maybe be able to pick me up?” Yuri spoke through the lump in her throat. It felt so wrong to be troubling someone like this. 

 

“Of course! I'll leave right away. Just send me the address where I can find you. And hey, I’m glad you called me instead of trying to walk or hitch-hike.”

 

In the twenty minutes it took him to reach her location, Yuri tried her best to compose herself. She didn't have much luck. Her emotions were rapidly oscillating between anguish over the fight, guilt for waking Pedro, and deep anxiety about Shiba's wellbeing as she shivered in the chilly night air. 

_ Relax, Yuri, you can do this. _

 

Eventually, the sound of an engine drawing closer signalled Pedro's arrival. The moment Yuri stooped into his car, he knew something was off about her. “Your eyes are raw. Are you alright?” he asked with concern in his voice. “And you’re outside barefoot like this… What happened?”

 

Suddenly aware of her exposed scars, Yuri shrank in her seat, rubbing her frozen arms with her hands.

“I was s-supposed to be staying the night with my friend but we… had a fight, sort of. I… he… umm,” Yuri trailed off, struggling to organize her thoughts into sentences. “Y-you might understand this better than anyone actually; MC told me about… what his mother did. About why you divorced her.”

 

Yuri realized too late that it was probably rude to bring up that way. 

_ I'm such an idiot.  _

She swallowed and continued, “My friend Shiba had a surgery on his back several months ago, and now I think...he's addicted to the painkillers.” Yuri’s voice began to crack and waver as she continued. “I t-tried to bring it up with him and he b-blew up and kicked me out of his house and he probably f-fucking hates me now and…”

She was silenced by the tightness in her throat and stinging tears, once again threatening to escape her eyes. 

_ God, I'm such a crybaby. Breaking down again... _

 

“There, there,” Pedro cooed gently, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I doubt that he hates you, dear. I know for a fact that Emon's mother loves him very much, even though what she did was...  _ not very loving _ .”

 

After a moment's pause, he continued with a soft, sympathetic voice, “It's just that the chemicals in those drugs… they rewire your brain so it just… works differently. She wasn’t in her right mind when she hurt him, and she still feels horrible about it. I'm sure your friend will feel the same way once he comes back to his senses. And I'm not saying that they're blameless; My wife did terrible things to Emon, and your friend was clearly very cruel to you tonight. Just… try to be empathetic.”

 

Yuri hugged her knees close to her body. 

“But if I hadn't tried to confront him then-”

 

“No no no. This is  _ absolutely _ not your fault, so don't even start talking like that. Unless you blame Emon for getting shoved down the stairs,” Pedro interjected. 

 

“N-no! That's not…” Yuri felt stupid. What he was saying made sense logically, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she'd done something wrong. 

 

“You're a good kid, Yuri,” he reassured. “you clearly didn't intend to upset or hurt him, and you reacted in a normal way, so you have  _ nothing _ to feel guilty about.”

 

Yuri still felt guilty, but hearing that was still somewhat relieving. There was something about Pedro's presence that made her feel safe. She even envied MC at times; her own parents wanted nothing to do with her after she dropped out of college. In the remaining time it took them to reach Yuri’s apartment, he managed to shift the conversation and briefly take her mind off of Shiba. Once they arrived, he gave her a one-armed hug and waited for her to get inside the building before driving off.

 

A very sleepy Natsuki greeted Yuri at the front door to the apartment building, with her pink hair experiencing a serious case of bedhead. Yuri felt terrible for having to call and wake her roommate, especially after doing the same to Pedro, but she had no way to get into the building otherwise. 

_ I’m such a burden, aren't I? _

 

Yuri did her best to explain what had happened while they ascended the stairs to their floor. As expected, Natsuki got angry on her behalf. 

“Ooh, that son of a bitch. What exactly did that asshole say to you?” the short-tempered girl prodded.

 

Yuri didn’t want to think about that part. “I-I don’t really remember,” she lied.

 

Natsuki put her hands on her hips. “I can tell you're lying. Stop trying to protect him and tell me, so I know exactly how hard I have to kick his ass when I go over there to get your stuff.”

 

“N-Nat, you don't have to-”

 

“Yes I do,” Natsuki interrupted, “because if I let you go over there, you'll just forgive him right away because you're a  _ pushover. _ Now what did he say to shake you up this badly?”

 

Yuri swallowed as her heartbeat pounded in her head. “He... c-called me… an autistic bitch who c-can't interact with normal people. He said he couldn't believe I'd accuse him of something like that after he's p-put up with me for so many years.”

 

Yuri expected her roommate’s fury to intensify, but instead the shorter girl just hugged her tightly before saying anything. 

“That’s terrible, Yuri. Don't believe for a second that any of us just  _ ‘put up’ _ with you, okay? You're my best friend.”

 

It sounded more like something Sayori would say in that situation; Natsuki typically disliked being sentimental like that. Yuri hated the idea of her friends having to change the way they act for her sake. She couldn’t deny that the sensation of the embrace was pleasant, though. Yuri was doing her best to suppress the feelings that the smell of Natsuki's hair was stirring within her. She managed to nod with an affirmative “mhm.”  _ I need to stop thinking of her that way. It'll never happen. _

 

Releasing her grip, Natsuki wandered into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and looking around. “It looks like we have all the ingredients to make those cookies you like. Let's bake them together to, like, take our thoughts off of what happened and unwind a bit.”

_ She’s doing so much just for me. It does sound nice though… Maybe just this once, I can try to enjoy it without feeling guilty. _

* * *

Awakened by the buzzing of her phone against her wooden desk, Yuri rolled over and reached for the vibrating device. 

_ Isn't the point of vibrate mode so that you can't hear It? This is louder than the stupid ringtone. _

She winced as the searing bright screen assaulted her eyes, revealing that Shiba was the one calling. Yuri’s heart raced as her finger hovered over the answer button. It had been nearly three weeks since their confrontation, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to face him yet. Ironically, her indecision decided for her, as the buzzing stopped, and the call went to voicemail.

 

Yuri tried to justify her inaction to herself. She was still furious with him after all; he'd taken all the cash from the wallet she'd left at his house, and sold her bass amp for quick cash. Yuri feared that she’d either blow up or break down if she talked to him. With a sigh, she tossed the phone onto the soft rug beside her bed, rolled over towards the wall, and closed her eyes.

_ Not tonight. _

* * *

 

The memory replayed over and over in Yuri’s head as she sat clad in all black, staring blankly at the back of the seat in front of her. What if she had answered? Would she have been able to convince him to get help? Would she be able to see him again?

 

It didn't feel real that he was gone.  _ Nothing _ felt real except the ache of Yuri's newly lacerated arms. Even the idea of someone as laid-back and nerdy as Shiba using heroin seemed absurd. According to the doctor, though, it was fairly common for opiate addicts to resort to the cheaper alternative when they ran out of money. His inexperience, along with the unregulated nature of the illegal drug, were likely what lead to his overdose. 

 

During the past two days since she'd found out, Yuri had felt completely numb for most of her waking hours, with occasional bursts of overwhelming emotion and panic that completely crippled her. Natsuki was keeping her under tight watch since her cutting relapse, and was doing her best to comfort Yuri, but the lack of alone-time was wearing away at her. Yuri had snapped and yelled at her friends on multiple occasions, which only made her feel worse.  _ They're just trying to help and all I can do is put them down. _

 

Nat, Sayori, MC, and everyone else kept telling her that it wasn't her fault, and that there was nothing she could have done. Yuri wasn't quite sure about the first part yet, but she knew in her heart that the second part was a lie. If she'd reached out to his parents… If she'd taken him to rehab or even the police… If she had made up with him… If she'd answered his call… what could have happened differently?

 


	2. A Surprise (1)

_ Happy birthday to me! _

 

Natsuki stepped off the bus four hours later than expected. Today, one of the cashiers at the grocery store had quit without notice, and she’d been asked to fill in until the evening rush died down.  _ “Asked.”  _ She hated the registers. She hated the stupid customers, with their stupid questions, and their stupid faces. They couldn’t bother her when she was doing her usual work in the store bakery. 

_ I wish they would just leave me to what I’m good at. _

 

The night was overcast and the air, while fairly cool, was heavy with humidity. Natsuki’s bob-cut hair clung uncomfortably to the back of her neck, making her wish she’d kept it pinned up and netted until she got home. Like always, the street light by her building was flickering, and like always, seeing it called to mind a certain poem she had once read- a poem she’d disliked at first, but had gained a new appreciation for over the years as she struggled to keep up with the twists and changes of life.

 

Natsuki sighed as she unlocked the front door to her apartment building. Her job was, for the most part, decent. She was able to earn a steady paycheck baking, and since it was a local business rather than part of a chain, she didn’t have to adhere to any lame corporate recipes. She had the freedom to experiment and make a variety of delectable treats that rivaled any trendy cafe, without the headache of managing her own business, and the locals loved it.

_ It would be perfect if I didn’t get pulled away to help out in the other departments so often. _

 

Begrudgingly, her legs carried her up the dimly lit stairwell. The creaky steps cried out with sound, while her aching back cried out with pain. Ravenously hungry, but too tired to bother with any kind of ambitious meal, Natsuki decided she'd make instant ramen for her late dinner. She’d just turn on the TV, gorge on her noodles, and pass out on the couch.  _ What a way to celebrate _ .

 

It was her own fault, and she knew it. She’d explicitly told her friends not to make any birthday plans weeks ago, because she was going to have a big date night with Haru, her boyfriend. She’d neglected to mention to any of them that as of the previous Tuesday, he was an ex-boyfriend.

_ That asshole _ .

 

When Natsuki opened her apartment door, the air was thick with the smells of foods both sweet and savory- a surprising, but welcome break from the slightly musty smell of the old building. She entered and found a small cake with the words “Happy birthday Nat!” written in frosting, and two cold plates of stir-fry on the counter. Had Yuri forgotten that she was supposed to be out late with Haru that night? Or had she figured out that the relationship had come to an end, and expected Natsuki to come home hours ago?

 

_ Dammit, this beats the hell out of instant ramen, but now I feel bad for being so late.  _

 

A timid, neurotic girl, Yuri was Natsuki’s best friend, and roommate. They’d met in high school six years previous, where they were two years apart. They’d been distant at first, but bonded over time as they let their guards down and found common ground. After her graduation, Yuri’s parents agreed to pay half the rent cost of a small apartment near the local university, assuming she would room with another college student in the same situation. 

 

Yuri had immediately asked Natsuki, who was still attending high school, to move in with her, thus escaping her abusive father. They both worked part time jobs during their studies, unbeknownst to Yuri’s parents, and together, were able to cover the second half of the bills. For this, Natsuki was eternally grateful and fiercely protective of her reclusive friend.

 

“I’m back, Yuri. You up?” Natsuki’s voice reverberated through the empty kitchen and living room.

 

No answer.

 

The apartment was cluttered despite being organized, simply due to its small size. Luckily, though, it had two separate bedrooms, affording each resident a small private space. She left her phone and keys on the island counter, where she noticed a small wrapped gift, marked with Yuri's handwriting, along with a few cards that must have come in the mail.

 

Deciding to save the gifts for later, Natsuki walked to Yuri’s bedroom. After softly knocking, she gently opened the door. The room looked like a bomb had gone off, with dirty clothes, stray papers, junk food wrappers, and discarded bass strings littering every corner. 

_ You’d think someone so obsessive would keep her space clean… Wait… Yuri? ...YURI?!?!? _

__   


The faint glow of Yuri's digital alarm clock reflected from the surface of a shiny liquid, surrounding a figure slumped on her desk. Panic swelled in Natsuki’s chest as she fumbled frantically for the light switch. 

_ ohmygodpleaseohmygodpleasenopleasenoohmygod _

 

Relief left her tingling as the light flickered on and allowed Natsuki to process the scene before her. 

 

On tiptoes, she approached the desk, where Yuri lay asleep in a puddle of water, breathing softly. In her hand was not a blade, but a marker. Off to her side, were two empty ice cube trays.

_ She used her coping techniques. Good… I’ll just double check before she wakes up though… _

> _ * Author's note: Drawing on oneself with a marker and holding ice cubes are coping strategies for self-harm urges, which aim to simulate the pain and visuals to cutting _

 

Leaning in closer, Natsuki inspected her companion’s exposed arms. The lines from the marker were black. The lines from the last relapse were pink-brown. The older lines were pale. _No red lines._ _Thank god, she managed._

 

Natsuki glanced around the messy desk. There were sticky notes everywhere, half of which were now sodden from the melted ice. Natsuki knew her scatterbrained friend relied heavily on such notes to keep track of tasks and obligations.

_ Hopefully the ink didn't bleed so much to make them illegible _ . 

One note, placed prominently on the desk lamp, read  _ ‘Nat B-Day Thu.’ _ across the top. Beneath the title,  _ ‘No party- Haru date’ _ had been scribbled out and replaced with  _ ‘Make dinner / cake.’ _

 

Softly, Natsuki placed a hand on Yuri’s shoulder. 

“Wake up dummy. Don’t make me eat alone on my birthday.”

 

The nest of wet, tangled hair before her stirred. 

“Nat? Is that… w-what time is… ugh,” Yuri sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

 

“It’s a little after 9:30.”

 

The foggy young woman sat up, massaging her temples, and noticed the new marks decorating her forearms. Natsuki watched the shame wash over her drowsy face, and interjected, “Look at me, Yuri. This is nothing to be ashamed of. You used your coping strategies and you beat it. I'm proud of you.”

 

Nat was never sure if her words helped. She wasn't lying about feeling proud, but she kept to herself that the pride was swimming in an ocean of concern. True, Yuri’s last relapse had been five months ago, after a close friend’s death, and the previous one had been nearly seven months before that, but her sporadic work schedule was taking its toll. Yuri was frequently forgetting meals and missing out on sleep, and was more gaunt than she'd ever been. Worst of all, her cutting urges seemed difficult for her to manage as of late.

“I wish you took better care of yourself, though,” Natsuki commented. “What time did you go to bed?”

 

Yuri tapped her fingers rhythmically on the top of her head as she searched her memory.

“It must have been… m-maybe three or four hours after you left for work?”

 

“What? Are you serious? So you didn't go to bed until almost noon?”

 

Yuri sheepishly looked away as she explained, “well I had to finish the contract for that game today... th-the space one, not the ghost one. Then Kiichi called because he needed some last minute DIs for this singer-songwriter guy at his studio. He offered double my normal rate if I could get them done today.”

 

Annoyed at her companion’s lack of regard for her own health, Natsuki scolded, “Jesus, Yuri, that’s like eighteen hours of work in one day. You can’t do that kind of shit.”

 

Yuri yawned, and in the best sassy voice she could muster, quipped “Well I did do ‘that kind of shit’, so ‘can’t’ probably isn’t the right word.”

 

Yuri was a self-employed contractor, for lack of a better term, taking on countless odd jobs to make ends meet. Among other things, she wrote book reviews, articles, and short stories for a slew of online publications, served as a private tutor for local students, recorded as a session bassist for a music producer she’d befriended, and assisted some local indie game studios with storyboarding and writing. She spent a ridiculous amount of time working and barely managed to scrape by, but she claimed that making a living doing what she loved was worth the strain. 

 

Natsuki wasn’t quite sure if she agreed.

_ I can’t believe it’s already been three years since she dropped out of college to do this.  _

 

She thought back to the day, a couple months after her own high school graduation, when Yuri had met with her parents, revealing her plan to abandon the pre-law university program they had pushed her into, and pursue her passions. They knew beforehand that it probably wouldn't go well, and had planned for Yuri's parents to stop funding half the apartment. Neither of them had expected what happened, though. Yuri was served papers from her family, legally disowning her.

 

Losing the financial support and inheritance didn't bother Yuri; she wasn't in it for the money. The health insurance was another story. Her therapy, anxiety medication, antidepressants... Gone. Taken away during the most emotionally taxing experience of her life. She had never been close with them, but being legally disavowed by her parents took a hard toll on Yuri’s psyche. As far as Natsuki was concerned, they were manipulative reptilian sociopaths. She’d watched as Yuri regressed and spiraled into a terrible relapse of depression and self-harm which had nearly killed her, and which she’d yet to  _ fully _ recover from. Through all of it, Yuri’s parents never once reached out, and Natsuki absolutely  _ hated _ them for it. 

 

Letting out a huff, Natsuki shook the intrusive memories from her head, and re-engaged with her roommate, who had been half-heartedly pushing the puddle of water away from her laptop.

“When did you wake up to make all that food, anyway?”

 

Yuri tapped her foot as she replied, “Umm… I-I was expecting you at 5:30, so I woke up at 3ish, I think... to start the cake.”

 

“Ah, sorry I’m so late. One of the stupid cashiers quit and I had to- wait a second- 3:00? You’re saying you got  _ three _ hours of sleep after all that work? Jesus Christ, Yuri, seriously. You’re gonna fucking die of exhaustion, and I’m gonna have to find a new roommate and it’s gonna fucking suck.”

 

Yuri laughed groggily, and gestured at her desk. 

“Well, I got some extra sleep just now, apparently, s-so it’s fine.”

 

“Yeah, thanks for that, by the way. I saw you in the dark, laying there like a corpse in a puddle of  _ something  _ and thought you'd stabbed yourself in the fucking neck.”

 

Silence hung over them for a moment after that remark. Natsuki realized that it may have been insensitive to speak about her concerns in such a manner, considering Yuri’s past attempt. She smiled and poked the other girl in an attempt to diffuse the tension.

“Anyway, get up. I'm hungry, and I have a new ex to talk shit about over dinner… How did you know about that anyway?”

 

Yuri stretched as she stood up.

“I heard you telling him off on the phone the other night.”

 

Natsuki felt her face heating up. 

_ How much of that conversation did she hear?  _

“Oh… I thought you were asleep.”

 

“Well I  _ was _ …”

 

_ Shit, I must have been talking louder than I thought _ . 

Natsuki had a tendency to lose track of her voice when she was emotional.

“Oh… Sorry about that... I'll, umm, go throw our plates in the microwave. Y’know, if you'd told me you were gonna do this I would’ve had an excuse not to fill in at work, and we could have had it at a reasonable time.”

 

With a smile, Yuri let out an exaggerated sigh and began drying her hair with an old t-shirt from the floor. 

_ Some towel she's got there. _

“Well, this is what I get for trying to be sneaky and surprise you. Oh, and before I forget, MC stopped by to drop off a card from him and his father earlier.”

 

Natsuki smirked, grateful for her friends. 

“I saw the pile of cards on my way in.”

 

Together, they made their way into the kitchen.


	3. A Confession (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki and Yuri enjoy a birthday meal together before the conversation takes a turn into some un-charted, rocky terretory.

The stir fry was delicious despite being reheated. Yuri certainly had a knack for seasoning, and her meals never failed to impress. The cake wasn't nearly as good as something Natsuki could have made, but it wasn't terrible. She felt the gesture was more important than the quality anyway. Yuri cared for her, and respected her in a way she’d not experienced growing up in her father’s home. 

 

The two young ladies spent the entire meal bad-mouthing Haru as they sat cross-legged on the couch behind their folding TV trays. Yuri wasn't great at it. She never had been, but Natsuki could tell she was trying. 

_ Maybe I can make things interesting… _

 

Carrying their dirty plates, Nat ambled over to the kitchen and rummaged in the lower cabinets. With a grin, she shot up, clutching a bottle of peach schnapps.

“Time for dessert!”

 

Yuri hadn’t been paying attention- She was staring at the marks on her arms and hadn't looked up. 

“What? What do you mean, Nat? We  _ just _ had ca-”

The sound of the cork popping out cut her off. 

“Oh… uuh… I c-can't have alcohol though.”

 

_ No way she’s off the hook after a fib like that. _

“Weren't you the one that brought wine to the literature club in high school? Besides, you  _ couldn’t  _ have alcohol while you were on your antidepressants, but it's been over two years since you ran out. If you'd gone to the doctor,  _ like I said _ , you might still have an excuse!”

 

“Y-you think I don’t want- I can’t  _ afford  _ to go to… ugh. Is ‘I don't like it’ not enough of an excuse?”

 

Natsuki resorted to her secret weapon- sad puppy dog eyes. 

“C’mon, Yuri, please? Won't you celebrate with me on my  _ biiiirthday _ ? It’s my 21st too! Just a  _ couple  _ shots?”

 

Her friend grumbled in reluctant agreement. 

“Ugh, fiiiine. ~~_As if you haven’t been drinking for years_ _._~~ Is that even how you're supposed to drink that stuff though?”

 

The shot glasses clinked as Natsuki fished them out from the back of the cabinet. 

“Don't know, don't care.”

* * *

 

Natsuki had never gotten Yuri to drink with her before. It was hilarious. Her stutter was even worse than it had been in high school, but she was more talkative than ever. Their conversation had moved on from Haru to some of Natsuki’s other exes and dates. 

She couldn't stop laughing. 

“Remember that one guy who came back with me to watch a movie with us after the date, and then he tried to make a move on you after I fell asleep?”

 

“T-that was awful. He was s-so creepy. ‘Oh look at me, I'm Mr. wannabe s-smooth-talking...  _ pervert _ ... straight out of a g-god damn… bad 80s movie.’ Y-you gave him a pretty good beating though.”

 

Natsuki laughed, making a threatening fist in the air. “That’s what you get when you try to grope my friends! Man, guys are such assholes. You’re not missing out on much.”

 

She regretted those last words as soon as they left her lips. This certainly wasn't the first time her friend had spent a post-breakup girls’ night with her, but Natsuki had never been able to return the favor; Yuri had never even gone on a date, nevermind had a relationship. Nat wondered how she felt about it. Was she lonely? Was she even interested in romance? She decided that if there were any time that Yuri might humor her questions, it would be tonight. 

 

“Hey Yuri, I was wondering… are you interested in dating anyone? I-it’s just… you've never told me that you had a crush, and you've never even talked about actors or anyone being good looking. I used to think you had a thing for MC when we were in high school, but I really don't know.”

 

_ Oh shit, what if she's about to come out to me? I should say something else.  _

“And know that you're my best friend no matter what, and I would never judge you for being gay or asexual or anything, okay? But could you tell me about… about that part of you?”

 

There were several long moments of silence as Yuri sat, staring at her knees. 

“I-I-I… th-there’s…”

 

She sighed and looked up at Natsuki before turning her gaze back downward.  

 

“W-well in terms of sexuality… um... have you ever heard of s-something called demisexual? I saw it online and I'm pretty sure that's... w-what I am.”

 

Natsuki shook her head. 

“I haven't, I’m sorry. Do you mind explaining it to me?”

 

“Essentially, it means s-someone who doesn't really feel… s-sexual feelings... for anyone they don't have a d-deep emotional connection with. Growing up, I thought I  _ was _ asexual... but th-then, after a few months of spending all that time outside school with MC, I sort of fell for him. He was s-so kind and caring, trying to help me with my cutting and… well... I also s-started to feel…  _ physical _ things I’d never felt before. ”

 

Unable to hold back her excitement at the vindication, Natsuki exclaimed, “Ha! I knew it! Did you ever tell Emmy about your feelings for him?”

 

Her shy companion physically recoiled. 

“N-no! Are you kidding? M-me being assertive like that? B-besides, I didn't want to risk r-ruining one of the first real friendships I'd ever had. Plus you were always talking about how much of a thing S-Sayori had for him, and I didn't want to interfere.”

 

That was a point Natsuki felt strongly about. “Bah, I can't believe that never went anywhere. It was so obvious that she was into him… god, he's so dense. Or maybe  _ he’s  _ asexual or something. I don't know. I’m getting side-tracked, though. Keep telling me about... you.”

 

Yuri shifted in her seat, seemingly unsure of where to start. 

“...ummm… I guess I should mention that I don't n-necessarily feel attraction towards  _ every _ person I get close to emotionally. Like... I n-never had those feelings for Shiba, even though I was j-just as close with him as I am with MC. I guess he felt more like a big brother, where with Emmy I sort of… f-fell in love with him.”

 

Natsuki felt a pang of guilt for reminding Yuri of Shiba; it was still a painful topic. Still, she couldn't help but gush over her flustered friend’s words. She was starting to understand why Yuri had never gone on a date though. If she wasn't attracted to anyone she wasn't already close with, and her social anxiety kept her from getting close with many people, she didn't have many options. Deciding to dig a little more, Natsuki questioned, “So is Emmy the only one you've, like, had the hots for, or is there anyone else? Kiichi maybe? You've been getting pretty close with him, and he’s a bit of a snacc if I do say so myself.”

 

Yuri averted her gaze. 

“No, MC is the only one.”

 

Immediately, Nat could tell her friend was being dishonest. Yuri's poker face was as lacking as her ability to read others. 

“C’mon Yuri, I can tell you're lying to meeee,” she sang with a devious smirk.

 

Yuri was silent for more than a minute.

“...th-there’s... one other person… I have even stronger feelings for. Th-that I love… more than anyone else.”

 

_ What other guys does she hang out with? Maybe one of her other bandmates? I didn't think she was that close with them… weird. _

Smiling mischievously, Natsuki leaned in close. 

“Alright, spill the beans. Who is he?”

 

After a long pause, her friend looked up with eyes full of desperate fear, and tears streaming down her face. 

“...Sh-she.”

 

_ So it's not just men. Why is she so scared to tell me though? She knows I'm cool with LGBT people. Could it be Monika or… oh wait.  _

_ OH. _

_ Shit.  _

The missing puzzle pieces fell into place, allowing Natsuki to see the full, dismal picture. 

“Oh… uuh… I-it’s okay, Yuri. You know I'm straight, but I promise this won't change anything. I-I won’t be weird about it, and you'll still be my best friend.”

 

The dark-haired girl broke down.

 

_ Oh god what do I say? What do I say?!? I'm no good at this. _

 

Yuri choked out words between cries. 

“I-it happened after we m-moved in together. A-after all the time and experiences we've shared… it's only gotten s-stronger. it f-feels like you're a p-part of me, and I l-love you so much I just w-want you to hold me so I can f-feel s-safe and-”

 

Whatever she was saying became unintelligible. Natsuki rested a hand on her friend’s back as it shuddered and heaved with each sob. What could she say to make Yuri feel better? It wasn't like she could suddenly  _ decide _ to be bisexual.

 

_ Even if I was, would our personalities even be compatible for a romantic relationship? _

 

It was heartbreaking though. For all of her quirks and demons, Yuri was one of the most kind-hearted people Natsuki had ever met. She deserved to feel loved as much as anyone else. More than most. Seeing her fall apart like this…

_ I shouldn't have pried so hard. _

 

Tears were streaking her own cheeks now. Had she just ruined her friendship? No, it couldn’t be. Natsuki pulled her friend into a tight hug.  _ Way to go, Natsuki, reminding her of what she can’t have… No. I need this. She needs this. Friend's do this too.  _

 

Yuri’s sobs eventually died down, then a few minutes of silence passed, finally broken by a laugh. There was nothing jovial about it; it was a laugh full of bitter resignation, from someone who just watched a piece of their world crumble away.

“W-w-well, n-now you know. It's out in the open after f-five years. I don't th-think I can feel much worse than I already do, and I’m sure you have all kinds of questions, so f-fire away!”

 

It would have been dishonest for Natsuki to deny that she was full of morbid curiosity, but she didn't want to push her friend any further.

“It’s okay, Yuri, it's not important.”

 

“No no no, I insist. How about I j-just start out with the ones you're p-probably too afraid to ask. Yes, I do th-think about you while touching myself! S-sometimes I like to read birthday cards and notes you've wr-written for me while I do it. J-just knowing that  _ you _ wrote them for  _ me _ ... 

I also l-look through porn websites to find p-people who look like you! Pretty creepy, r-right?!?”

 

Natsuki did her best to hide her slight discomfort at the idea. Yuri was having a full-scale breakdown, swinging wildly between bursts of manic laughter and choking sobs, and that was more important than her own unease.  

 

“Yuri, It’s okay. You don't need to feel guilty about who you're attracted to. It's not something you can control,” she reassured. “You have every right to think about whoever you want to think about in your… p-private time. As long as you're not taking secret pictures of me in the shower or anything like that, I’m not mad.”

 

“N-no, I've never taken p-pictures or spied on you or anything. I even look away when you ch-change in front of me, and at the hot springs. Even though you don't really seem to care... B-but I have stolen sh-shirts out of your dirty laundry to cuddle with. I-I-I know it’s wrong and I fucking h-hate myself for it but sometimes I just… can't stop myself.”

_ My shirts? That's a little creepy… I guess she's not hurting anyone but… ugh, I'll think about this later. I need to keep my shit together and be supportive right now.  _

“I-”

 

“And that time I w-walked in on you and Michio, I saw  _ everything _ .”

 

_ Fuck. I forgot about that.  _

 

About a year ago, Yuri had come home early from a cancelled tutoring session to find Natsuki and her then-boyfriend  _ in the act _ in the living room. Natsuki had been too ashamed to speak about it afterwards.

“I’m... really sorry that happened.”

 

Her friend scoffed bitterly. “Why? It was my fault. I-I knew he was over, so I should have t-texted you that I would be home early. But I didn't. And n-now I have to live with that image in my brain forever. Because I was  _ stupid _ .” 

 

“No, you're not stupid!" Natsuki interjected, "You can't blame yourself for that. God, you always find some way to twist everything bad like It’s your fault, and it's not okay!”

 

The fear returned to Yuri’s eyes as she shied away. Natsuki realized she must have been yelling. Quieting her voice, she continued,

“I'm sorry. It’s just… I know it's been a long time, but try to remember your therapy. You can't go  _ irrationally _ blaming yourself for every problem. I did… a private activity in a place that wasn't private. I made things... very uncomfortable for you, and I never apologized or asked you about it afterwards, because I was too embarrassed. But I should have.” 

 

Yuri sat, blankly staring at the floor. 

“I would have lied if you asked. I… cut that night. I was so jealous, some s-sick part of me wanted to cut Michio, or stab him or something. But I c-cut myself instead. Way up high on my legs and hips so even shorts would cover the marks. I hid it from you, and I  _ lied _ to MC the n-next time he asked if I’d had any relapses.”

She was crying again. 

 

Natsuki decided against telling Yuri that she had actually found out about that cutting incident. At the time she wasn't sure why it happened, but now she almost wished she hadn’t learned.

 

“You and Emmy… y-you're already better friends than than a dirty  _ fucking _ l-liar like me deserves…” Yuri all but whispered, “b-but I still want  _ more _ from you. What’s wrong with me, Nat?”

 

Natsuki felt nauseous. She firmly grasped Yuri's shoulders

“Don't say that.  _ Ever _ . You deserve  _ so _ much.”

_ How did the conversation get here? I just wanted to ask her about her dating preferences. God, this is a fucking mess.  _

 

Ten minutes passed in silence. Sensing that it would be unsafe to leave Yuri alone for a while, Nat decided she would stay up late with Yuri, and call in sick for her shift the next day. She stood up and tossed the TV remote onto her roommate’s lap. 

“Uh… Pick out a movie for us okay? Whatever you want. I'm going to go call out from work tomorrow.” 

 

Yuri sat, nervously twirling a strand of her hair. “No, Nat, d-don’t let me ruin your-”

 

“That’s enough. I've already made up my mind,” Natsuki interrupted. “We can have a girls’ day out tomorrow if you want, or we can just stay here and vegetate. But we're sleeping in either way, okay?”

 

After a moment’s hesitation,Yuri relented, and began flipping through movies. Natsuki went to the kitchen to retrieve her phone, for once  _ grateful for _ (instead of  _ annoyed by _ ) Yuri's submissive nature. 

 

She sent a group text ‘ Family emergency. Can't come in tomorrow. Really sorry ’ to all of the store managers. She didn't feel that this was a lie; Yuri was more of a family to her than any of her living relatives, and she’d already almost hurt herself that night, before…  _ this.  _ The alcohol probably wouldn't help her abstain either.

 

Apparently Yuki, the manager who had been on duty during Nat's shift, was still awake, as a reply came in almost immediately, expressing reluctant approval. Natsuki's supervisors respected her; she clearly took her job seriously, and had only called out a handful of times in her five years of employment there.

_ That's right, you better give it to me after the shit you pulled today.  _

 

She rejoined her friend on the sofa as the opening credits of an old favorite film, about a bathhouse for spirits, began to roll. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooo that got a little heavy at the end there, didn't it?
> 
> Part of the reason I fell in love with DDLC was the way it didn't shy away from uncomfortable topics. In case you hadn't already guessed from the whole opiate plotline in the prologue, I'm going to use this story to tackle some new issues that may not have been in the game, but are very important to me, personally. 
> 
> I wanted to include Demisexuality as one of those issues, as discovering the term last year helped me realize I wasn't alone, and look at it as more of a preference than some kind of physiological defect in me. I am human though, so if you think my approaches to any of the heavy topics in this story are ignorant or inappropriate, please let me know, so I can learn from it.


	4. An Idea (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two roommates take a trip to the aquarium on their girls' day out, and Natsuki proposes an idea afterwards.

Natsuki's jaw dropped as she read the sign. Wavy light fixtures adorned the walls and hung from the high ceilings. The warm sunlight pouring in through the floor-to-ceiling windows in the empty lobby certainly didn't help her flushed face.

_Why the hell are they so expensive?_

 

Yuri bashfully tapped her on the shoulder.

“I told you it would be too much money, Nat. Th-there’s no way you’re spending that much on me. Let’s just go to the park and-”

 

“No. This was my idea,” Natsuki cut off.

 

After rummaging through her purse for a moment, Natsuki produced her new wallet. It was a hand-made leather billfold, sporting a tasteful logo from her favorite anime series, which Yuri had gifted her the previous night.

_She must have had to save up for a while to get me this. And look at her complaining about me paying for her._

“I said I would take you to the aquarium, and that it would be my treat.”

 

The taller girl gripped at her own arm nervously.

“And _I_ told _you_ that you shouldn't, and that it would be t-too much, and-”

 

“Stop!”

That came out with a lot more force than Natsuki intended, but it succeeded in silencing her friend’s protests.Yuri was generous with what little money she had, but had difficulty letting others reciprocate that generosity. Natsuki found this annoying, but also reasoned it was a symptom of some deep-rooted self-worth issues, so she tried not to ridicule her about it. This time, though, she’d won a bittersweet victory. She paid the criminally high entry fee for two adults, and they were admitted.

 

It was a weekday morning, and they practically had the place to themselves. Yuri’s apprehension quickly melted away as she wandered among the exhibits. She seemed intent on seeing every single one. Natsuki did her best to stay enthusiastic as they took it all in, but the dark corridors and calm atmosphere made it difficult to remain alert and clear-headed after such a late night. She managed, though. It helped to see her normally-taciturn friend brimming with childlike excitement.

   


Yuri had a soft spot for animals that weren't conventionally cute. She kept a pet bearded dragon, and had a rotating computer background that included pictures of all sorts of reptiles, amphibians, crustaceans, and bugs. One such image, scarred into Natsuki's brain, was an abominable creature known as a ‘tailless whip scorpion.’ Yuri Insisted that it was an ‘adorable little buggo,’ which, Nat thought, raised serious questions about her definition of ‘adorable.’

 

They were at the _deep sea floor_ exhibit, and Yuri had just finished explaining the differences between two dissimilar-looking yet equally creepy species of crab, when she looked down at her shoes and timidly asked, “Hey Nat, do you think m-maybe we could go look at the amphibian room again after the otter feeding show?”

 

_There she goes again, acting like I’m her mom or something._

“For the millionth time, you don’t have to ask permission. You’re the animal enthusiast, so you're in charge of what we see here okay? We can go through the amphibian room as many times as you want.”

 

The tall girl fidgeted with her hands.

“A-are you not having fun?”

 

Natsuki touched Yuri's shoulder reassuringly.

“Of course I'm having fun. I mean, I’m obviously not into this stuff to the same extent as you are, but I've seen some really cool animals, and it's nice to just, like, spend a day out with you.”

_You never leave the house except for work anymore, after all._ “It’s... been forever since we did something like this.”

 

A shy smile that made the older, taller girl seem like a young child crept across her face.

“Okay.”

 

_God, she’s so innocent._

Natsuki remembered the shirt-stealing habit that Yuri had confessed to the night before.

_Maybe not as innocent as I thought though…_

“I do have an idea for something we could do later, if you’ll humor me, though.”

 

With a nod, Yuri replied, “Alright.”

 

* * *

 

 

The two girls sat sprawled out on the couch. The city had been a bit busier towards the end of their trip, and they ended up getting caught in the afternoon rush on the way home. Yuri had managed to keep her composure on the crowded bus, but it had taken a lot out of her. They'd been laying low since they got back, watching a documentary about space and relaxing. As the end credits began to roll, Natsuki spoke up.

“Want to find something else to watch, or what?”

 

Yuri sat up straight, stretching her arms and shoulders with a yawn.

“W-we can if you want, but... you said you had something for us to do together, right?”

 

“Oh, right! Okay, so hear me out. I was doing some thinking about… yesterday… and I have an idea.” She cleared her throat as Yuri grimaced, ane explained, “I know you don't feel attracted to people you're not close to, but you're never going to _get_ close to anyone else if you're not meeting people to begin with, right? I want you to try going on a couple dates.”

 

Whatever sense of calm Yuri had achieved during the movie vanished immediately.

“D-dates? N-no, I don't think I’m ready for that. B-besides, who would _want_ to date me? I’m too much of a mess right now to-”

 

“That’s enough.” Natsuki shoved a hand in her friend’s face. “You're smart, you're interesting, you're good looking, and you're a genuinely kind person. Plenty of people would want to date you.”

 

Yuri blushed as Natsuki continued, “Why not just ask MC out? I think if anything were gonna happen between Sayori and him, it would have happened by now. Or maybe Kiichi? With dating friends, there's no awkward phase of getting to know them.”

 

Yuri hunched over, pressing her forehead into her hands, like a benched pitcher who had lost the lead in the top of the ninth.

“Nat… I've made s-six friends ever. One of them is d-dead and two of them moved away. Th-there’s no way I can risk ruining either of those friendships when I inevitably s-screw everything up,” she groaned.

 

_Never missing a chance to self-deprecate._

“C’mon, don't say that,” Natsuki scolded, “First off, Sayori and Monika will probably move back after they finish college. And I’m sure you’d make an excellent girlfriend. But I had a feeling you’d be against dating friends, so I started making a Kindler profile for you while we were on the bus.”

 

Yuri's eyes widened like those of a startled owl. “W-what?!?”

 

Holding up her phone for her friend to see, Natsuki elaborated, “I've gotten most of your info filled in, so we just need a couple pictures now.”

 

“N-Nat, I’m not gonna… th-that’s like a hookup app isn’t it? That’s the opposite of w-what I- I’m n-not ready for...”

 

The tall girl’s eyes became unfocused and  distant as she rocked back and forth, chewing on her lip. Her awareness of her surroundings seemed to drop away completely.

 

Reaching over to squeeze her shoulder, Natsuki quieted her tone. “Yuri? Look at me. It's alright. You're safe at home. I’m here.”

When Yuri's anxiety was starting to spiral, physical contact was one of the best ways Nat knew to pull her back to reality.

 

_Maybe I'm pushing her too hard. She needs to try it eventually though..._

 

After getting up to splash water on her face, Yuri came back and spoke up.

“O…. okay, I t-trust you. I… I know you wouldn't have suggested that app if it was r-really just for one-night stands, so m-maybe I have some... misconceptions. I'm w-willing to at least hear you out.”

 

_She must still be pretty anxious if she's still stuttering this badly._

“No, it’s okay. I'm being too aggressive. Let’s talk about it some other-”

 

“No please. Th-this is something I'm gonna have to face eventually,” Yuri interrupted. “I… know you can’t be my roommate forever. Eventually you’re going to have to m-move on, and I don't want to be… totally alone when that happens.”

 

There had been a time, while Natsuki was dating Michio, that she thought he was going to ask her to move in with him. It never happened, but she’d agonized over the prospect of it nonetheless. She’d wanted to live with him, but she feared leaving her best friend behind. Yuri worked hard to manage her anxiety and depression, but left alone she’d have nobody to hold her accountable. Apparently it was an eventuality that Yuri had considered as well.

 

Eyes glued to the floor, Yuri continued. “I honestly don't even care about the sexual stuff that much. L-like… if I never get those feelings or if my partner never has them for me. I-I just want to feel like I'm s-special to someone.”

 

It hurt Natsuki's heart to hear that after the previous night’s events, but she thought letting the conversation linger there would do more harm than good, so she pressed forward.

“Alright, so you're not completely wrong about the app; a lot of people do use Kindler for hookups, but others use it for meeting potential long-term partners. It’s usually pretty clear what people are looking for based on their bios. There aren’t many other options for dating sites and apps if you don’t want to pay.”

 

Yuri began playing with her hair, “...You really think I could m-meet someone on there? It s-seems like these days… even for people looking for a long term partner, sex within the first couple dates is the norm, a-and I'm _not_ ready for that. B-both times it’s been _months_ of frequent contact at the very least, before I've started to feel… th _-that way_ about someone. Is there anyone that would be w-willing to wait for me?”

 

Natsuki was cautiously optimistic. If Yuri was able to stick with it, even if things didn't go well at first, she'd be bound to find someone decent eventually, right?

“I think so, but you’ll never find them unless you try.”

 

Yuri nodded.

 

A mischievous smile crept onto the younger girl’s face.

“Well then, let's go pick out an outfit and get your makeup done for these pictures.”

 

“What? B-but I don't wear makeup.”

 

Natsuki jabbed a finger towards her friend.

“Well you're gonna start. ”

 

The tall girl glared back.

“Nat. No. It feels so gross on my face, and I’m no good at putting it on, and-”

 

“Fine, fine, fine. Let's at least pick out a cute outfit for you, though.”

 

Yuri reluctantly conceded, and they made their way to the cave that was her bedroom. Natsuki never actually expected her to agree to makeup, but it made dressing up seem less burdensome by comparison, causing her to accept it without question.

_God she’s so easy to manipulate. Lucky I don't use it for evil._

 

The dark-haired girl emerged from her closet, cradling a few different sweaters.

 

Jokingly incredulous, Natsuki quipped,

“Turtleneck sweaters? Are you recruiting for the local PTA? C’mon, let's go with something a little more… eye-catching.”

 

She dug into one of several piles of clothing, the cleanliness of which was anyone’s guess.  

_Mom shirts… mom jeans… mom shorts… man, I need to start helping her pick out clothes again. Maybe when Sayori is visiting we can all go together._

 

Eventually, she produced a simple black camisole, and decided that would have to suffice.

“How about this? Cute and simple. Plus it'll show off your figure, and your… ahem... assets, if you know what I’m sayin. Unlike all that baggy shit you normally wear.”

 

Flustered by the comments about her body, Yuri retorted. “I don't want to attract the wrong kind of people. Besides... it would be d-disingenuous to show off my so-called ‘assets’ if I’m gonna get the r-reduction surgery for my back eventually.”

 

Natsuki rolled her eyes.

“You've been talking about that for years and you've never done it. And you were just saying yesterday how you can't even afford _normal_ doctor's visits. C’mon Yuri, you're a good lookin’ lady. Why hide that?”

 

Natsuki thought that even in her under-nourished state, Yuri was very pretty, and even envied her figure at times.

 

There was a brief silence before a response came from behind a veil of purple hair. “I can't wear that, Nat. I... don't want to show my s-scars.”

 

_I figured that was the real objection…_

Nowadays, Yuri was rarely seen in public without a jacket or some kind of oversized sweater. She’d come to dislike the attention that form-fitting clothing got her, and short sleeves were still out of the question around all but a couple close friends.

 

“What, you think I’m some hack who’s just gonna take a full body shot of you in the T-pose? Give me more credit than that, you dingus,” she laughed, “we can pose you and frame the shots so that your forearms are hidden. There's only a couple up near your shoulders, and they're not obvious. You'll be fine. And you can put on long sleeves for any we take from farther away.”

 

Yuri emerged from her hairy hiding place and nodded, eyes full of both apprehension and trust.

 

_I'm gonna help her find someone who makes her happy no matter what it takes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a bit longer to release. I wanted to include another illustration and this one took longer than I planned. I hope you're enjoying the story so far! This chapter balances out the angst with a little fluff. How long will that balance last though?


	5. A Panic (4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Yuri to meet someone she matched with on the dating app but she's not quite ready. How will it go?

Just over a week had passed since Natsuki helped Yuri make an account with the dating app Kindler. She’d forced her friend to flip through some local singles, and much to the shy girl’s dismay, she’d gotten multiple matches. Natsuki had pressured her into replying to a promising suitor- a guy named Shiro, from a neighboring borough of their city, who had messaged her. After some back and forth, he had proposed dinner at a local restaurant, and Yuri had accepted after some convincing.

 

Based on the two pictures on his profile, Natsuki thought Yuri’s date was pretty average-looking, but his bio seemed promising. For one thing, it was very personality-focused, and Yuri seemed to be a good match. Aside from that, he was a musician, like Yuri, and his short list of interests also included reading. He seemed nice enough in the DMs, so Natsuki had high hopes for the date that night.

 

She arrived home, soar and smelling of yeast and butter, to find her roommate hard at work. Yuri was hyper-focused on whatever she was typing as she sat with her laptop on the couch, and hadn’t even noticed that someone entered the apartment.

 

_ She looks like a mess. _

“Hey there. You realize you have a date in two hours right?”

 

“Hmm? Oh, hi, Nat.”

 

“Welcome back to earth, space cadet,” Natsuki sassed. “When’s the last time you took a shower?”

 

The shy girl gave Natsuki a confused look. 

“A shower? I don't know… yesterday or the day before maybe? Or was it tuesday...  W-why?”

 

“BECAUSE YOUR DATE IS IN TWO HOURS AND YOU LOOK LIKE A GREASY GRUB! And you  _ stanky _ , girl, Jesus. I thought you would have been anxious all day, but instead you  _ forgot! _ And after all I did to set this up for you.”

 

Yuri’s eyes widened, as if Nat was a school teacher demanding a report she'd forgotten to write.

“ _ Oh no no _ , Fuck! I  _ was _ freaking myself out so I s-started some work as a distraction, and I… guess I got carried away.  _ Shit shit shit~” _

 

Although Natsuki was being mostly facetious with her yelling, she’d managed to get Yuri worked up. Rubbing her temples with her fingers, she took on a calm demeanor.

“It’s okay, Yuri. Just… Uuh… Go take a shower right away, so your hair has a chance to dry before you go.”

 

Having clear instructions seemed to put Yuri’s mind at ease. She made her way to the bathroom while Natsuki started putting together some outfits. 

 

Nat reflected on her situation.  _ Jeez, ordering her around like that and picking out her nice clothes… It's like I really am her mom. Heh. Bet I'm doing a better job than that nasty reptile of a woman who raised her.  _

 

When she'd finished bathing, Yuri looked through the clothing options Natsuki had curated. From her face, one might have thought she was blindly guessing the answer to a million-dollar question on a trivia show. In the end, she settled on black jeans and a gray cardigan over an olive green tank top. 

 

With the outfit squared away, Natsuki went over their check-in plan.

“Alright, so you’re absolutely sure you’re not gonna be going home with this guy, right? I shouldn’t expect to see you anywhere but in the restaurant?”

 

Yuri nodded. They had a phone app that allowed them see each other's location, which they’d used during some of Natsuki's dates in the past. 

“Right. W-what time should I call you?”

 

“Well if you’re meeting him there at 7:30… how about 9:30? And then again when you’re leaving, obviously.”

 

The tall girl’s eyes widened.

“Th-that’s a long time to be in a crowded restaurant… and with a stranger... oh god… I don’t know if I can go through with this, Nat. It’s all t-too soon. After last week and everything- I-I-I just need some time to-”

 

Placing both hands on her friend’s shoulders, Natsuki interrupted, “Hey. You’re gonna be fine. The date is gonna go great, because you’re a smart, interesting, wonderful person. You’ve already committed for tonight, but you can wait as long as you want to try it again afterwards, okay?”

 

Lavender eyes pointed down towards her feet, Yuri nodded silently.

 

“If your anxiety gets really bad or the guy turns out to be a creep,  just go to the bathroom and call me, okay? Then I’ll come to the restaurant and walk home with you. But I want you to try your best to see it through.”

 

Another nod.

 

_ I should try to take her mind off the date until it's time to go. _

“I guess I can't really do up your hair like I wanted, since it's still so wet, so we can just chill out for a while until It’s time to go. Wanna see if there are any frogs in the park pond?”

 

Yuri managed a weak smile. “W-well Monika was going to call around 6:30 to give me a pep talk, but I think we can s-still make it back in time if we go now.”

 

* * *

 

The time read 9:48pm as Natsuki checked her phone and scowled. 

_ Still no call… _

 

In the GPS app, she could see Yuri’s pin, still at the restaurant.

_ She probably just forgot. I should have set a reminder on her phone. How can she be so smart but so scatterbrained at the same time? If she hasn't checked in by 10:00 I'll call… _

 

Natsuki sent a text message ‘you alright?’ and returned to her tv show, checking her phone for a response every few minutes. 

Her episode finished at 10:02.

 

_ She's fine. I'm worrying about nothing, right?   …No, Fuck it. I'm calling now.  _

 

The thought of something bad happening on this date she’d pushed so hard for made her shudder. She dialed Yuri’s number and pressed send, only to be met with ringing, and an automated voicemail message. For another eight excruciating minutes, she waited. The GPS still reported her friends location as the restaurant. At exactly 10:10 she called again, but the result was the same. 

 

_ Okay, now I'm actually worried.  _

 

Slipping into a cozy red zip-up hoodie and grabbing her keys, Natsuki set out into the night. A chilly drizzle filled the air, making glowing halos around the street lights, as she hastily made her way towards the restaurant. The walk normally took about twenty five minutes, but she managed it in nineteen, breathing heavily as she entered the establishment. Noting how close it was to closing time, she watched the dismay in the employee's face give way to a forced smile as he approached. 

“Hi, table for one?”

 

“Don't worry, dude, I’m just here to walk my roommate home from her date.”

 

His professional smile turned genuine as he gestured towards the dining room. 

“Oh, thank God. Go right in!”

 

Entering, she saw a few couples, but no sign of Yuri. She approached the host near the front again. 

“Hey, did you happen to serve a tall, skinny girl, mid twenties, with long purple hair?”

 

The young man pondered for a moment.

“Oh, I know who you're talking about. I didn't serve her, but I saw her. Those two left a while ago. I think Chizuru had her table, though, hold on a minute.”

 

Natsuki felt like she’d been punched in the stomach as the waiter ran off to the kitchen. She checked the GPS app and saw Yuri’s marker at the same location as hers. With a growing sense of dread, she returned to the dining room and called Yuri’s number. She saw a screen light up underneath one of the booth tables along the wall. 

_ Oh god. Where is she? _

 

With two phones in hand, Natsuki emerged from beneath the table to find the host with another employee, presumably Chizo or whatever the guy said her name was.

 

Natsuki cleared her throat. “Hi, umm, he said you might have served my friend? I was supposed to meet her here after her date. Long purple hair. Skinny…”

 

“Yeah, those two left a little over an hour ago.” the waitress replied after a moment of thinking. “Her boyfriend said she was having some sort of migraine and asked for the check before I was even able to bring her the dessert she ordered. She seemed pretty out of it.”

 

The panic must have been apparent on Natsuki's face,  as it was reciprocated by concern on the server's

“Hey… is everything okay?”

 

It took Natsuki a moment to find her voice again.“He’s not her boyfriend. T-tonight was their first date. And she doesn't get migraines.”

 

“Oh… oh my god. You don't think…”

 

On shaky legs, Nat rushed to the bathroom. Her head was swirling with a deafening sound like cars whooshing by on a freeway. She could taste bile in the back of her throat but it didn't come up. As she splashed water on her face, It took all of her willpower to keep from screaming and breaking down right there. 

 

_ Fuck fuck fuck what have I done? She didn't even want to respond to the guy and I made her and I made her create the account before that and I made her go on the date and now she’s been drugged and kidnapped and she could be fucking dead and I'm the worst friend ever oh my fucking god FUCK! _

 

_ Okay okay calm down. I don't know anything for sure. Maybe she wasn't feeling good and he took her back to the apartment, and they got there right after I left…? _

 

Fueled by adrenaline, Nat ran all the way back to the apartment. It was raining now, and her heart was pounding, but she was only half cognizant the exertion her body was experiencing, as if dreaming or drunk.

She struggled to unlock the doors with her jittery hands and burning lungs. It was a rare instance in which finding the flat exactly as she'd left it was a bad thing.

 

With one last tiny shred of hope, she checked Yuri’s room, but it too was empty. Natsuki collapsed to the floor in tears. She’d never felt so helpless since she was a child, alone at the mercy of her father.

 

_ What do I even do? Will the police even be able to help? They'll probably just think she went home with this guy to sleep with him… _

 

Feeling stuck and unsure of what to do next, Natsuki realized that two heads might be better than one in this kind of situation. MC was the first person she thought to call. His sleepy voice answered the phone after the fourth ring. “Nat? What's u- whoa are crying? What happened?!?

 

With embarrassment now added to the maelstrom of terrible emotions swirling within her, Natsuki tried to steady her voice.

“I-it’s Yuri. I c-can't find her.”

 

“W-what do you mean?” He stammered, perplexed. “Did you, like, get in a fight and she left or something?”

 

“N-no remember she was going on a date with that guy?!? She didn't call and check in when she was s-supposed to, so I went to the restaurant and I found her phone but she wasn't there, and I think the guy drugged her, and I don't know what to do!”

 

It took a few seconds for MC to process the deluge of words that had just been dumped on him. After a moment he began speaking to her in a soft, soothing voice that she recognized- it was the way he spoke on the occasions that he had talked Yuri down from a panic attack. This time, though, it seemed a little more forced.

 

“Calm down, Natsuki, i-it's gonna be okay. We’ll find her. But are you absolutely sure she didn't just… y’know,  _ want _ to go home with this guy? She could have forgotten her phone. I never thought Yuri would be the type of person to just hook up with someone like that, but you never know.”

 

“No… she’s not even-”

Natsuki stopped herself before letting Yuri's secret slip. She figured Yuri would probably come out to him eventually, but wanted her to be able to do so in her own time. 

_ If we ever even fucking find her… _

“She explicitly told me beforehand that she wasn't going to do that.”

 

MC let out a shaky sigh. 

“Okay, uuh… I think it's too early for us to be able to file a missing person report with the police, since she's only been gone a couple hours, but if you call the non-emergency number for the local station, you can at least alert them. They might be able to have whoever is on patrol keep an eye out for anyone matching her description. And they might have some advice for us looking for her too.”

She could tell he was struggling to maintain his composure, as subtle hints of panic creeped onto his voice.

_ This must be freaking him out just as much as me, but he’s trying to stay strong for my sake.  _

 

Natsuki did her best to pull herself together, even though it felt like she was swinging on a giant dangling fishing hook speared through her guts.

“Okay, I’ll call. Sh-should we search together or should we go separately to cover more ground?”

 

“No, I’d feel a little better if you came with me, so that we’re both in my car. Walking around the city this late all alone would be… not the best. I-if we haven’t found her by the time my dad gets back in the morning, he can help too… but for now I'll come pick you up.”

 

_ I guess he’s right. We shouldn't need to worry about my safety at the same time as Yuri’s. And he’ll need to focus on driving, so he can use a second pair of eyes.  _

 

“Alright, I'll see you in a few minutes Emmy. Don't take too long. Don't go driving like a maniac either though, okay? Be careful.”


	6. A Reunion (5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki and MC reunite with their missing friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- referenced assault, child abuse, sexual abuse, etc.

It was nearing 3am. Natsuki had never actually eaten dinner, and a hollow, nauseous hunger was starting to gnaw at her stomach like a cluster of maggots. The chef's pants she'd never changed out of were still damp from her run in the rain, and her head was throbbing painfully. Was Yuri being sold in some human trafficking ring? Was she being murdered by some psychopath? __

_ How the hell is date rape somehow the least fucked-up possibility here?  _

 

Her eyes were raw and stinging from the anxious tears that came and went throughout the night. Natsuki's imagination was torturing her with scenarios of what terrible things could have befallen her friend. Some part of her was glad she wasn't the only one to break down though; they had just gotten moving again after MC had a panic attack.

_ Why am I thinking about stupid petty bullshit at a time like this? I’m such a piece of garbage. _

 

They were both starting to run out of steam after hours of searching every park, alley, and corner store they could find, but neither of them would give up. Shivering and queasy, they persisted in their search through the early morning darkness. Nothing had been said for several minutes, when suddenly the silence was shattered by the abrasive ringing of Natsuki's phone. 

 

When she picked up, she recognized the voice on the other end.

“Hi, I'm speaking with Natsuki Hoshino, correct? This is officer Tsubaki from the police station, I believe we spoke a few hours ago.”

 

_ Oh please please please please _

Hope fluttered in her chest like leaves caught in an eddy of spiraling wind.

“Oh! Yeah, that’s me. D-did you find Yuri?!? Is she okay?”

 

“Yes, one of our officers on patrol found Yuri Kitazawa. I... can't say what condition she’s in for sure, since I wasn't there, but she was at least cognizant enough to consent to us informing you of her location. She’s being taken to the ER in the Memorial Hospital at College Square.”

 

_ The hospital? That means something happened. Oh god is she okay? She was able to talk at least… _

“Oh- uh, th-thank you so so much! I'll head there right away.”

She turned to MC whose eyes were wide pools of anticipation

“Memorial Hospital at College Square. Go!”

 

She hung up as MC sped towards the hospital, riding a new wave of hope and resolve. When they skidded into the parking lot, he swung by the front entrance for Natsuki to hop out. She dashed inside while he left to park, and saw a police officer speaking with the receptionist. 

_ Is that the one who found her? Yuri’s not with her though… _

 

Nat scanned the waiting room until she saw a familiar hue of purple. Yuri sat curled in one of the chairs, sheltering herself behind a curtain of hair. Natsuki ran across the room and embraced her friend in a tight hug. When Yuri started bawling into her chest, Natsuki couldn't hold back tears herself. 

"Oh my god! I was so worried I'd never see you again!"

 

The tall girl’s choked out words were muffled by Natsuki's shirt. 

“I’m s-so s-sorry Nat!”

 

Natsuki gently stroked her hair.

“N-no. It's not your fault. Don't apologize."

Pulling back to get a better look she finally saw Yuri’s condition. A crusty trail of dried blood ran down the side of her face from the edge of her right brow. The eye and cheek on her left side were swollen, and her lip was busted up and bloody. 

_ Oh no no no what have I done? _

 

She realized that Yuri's cardigan was gone, leaving her scarred arms exposed to the world as she shivered in her tank top. Immediately, she took off her hoodie and draped it around the shy girl’s shoulders. 

 

A sickening ache wrenched through Natsuki’s gut when Yuri sat up to slide her arms into the sleeves; her bra was missing and her neck showed signs of having been choked. One of her wrists was terribly swollen and both bore red marks, as if they'd been forcibly restrained.

_ No. No. No. Please no. I'm so sorry Yuri. I’m so SO fucking sorry.  _

 

She’d known that some kind of sex crime was likely, (why else would someone drug their date and then let them go, after all?) but she’d been hoping against all hope that it was not the case. Natsuki imagined that it must be especially traumatic for people like Yuri, whose sexuality was rooted deeply in emotion. She shivered, remembering the feeling of violation when her father would watch her dress. The way his hands would linger in inappropriate places while he spanked her at inappropriate ages. And what Yuri had experienced was likely far worse...

 

To add insult to injury, Natsuki, for whom Yuri had strong unrequited feelings, had pressured her into the date. It was like the world was playing some kind of sick joke on them. Nat wanted to scream. She wanted to throw up. She felt lightheaded. She…

\---

 

Natsuki was sitting in a chair, and her vision was blurry and searing. Was she waking up? She wanted to keep sleeping, but she was being jostled.  Where was she? The stream of sensations entering her mind didn’t seem real, but slowly she began to remember her situation.

_ Oh… Please tell me it was just a dream. Please. _

 

 “Natsuki?” 

 

Turning towards the sound of MC's voice, her eyes began to focus. “E-Emmy?” He was crouched in front of her seat, looking at her with concern, as were a few others in the hospital waiting room. He pressed his fingers against her forehead, then his own, making sure she wasn't feverish. 

“You kinda... shut down for a minute there. Are you okay?”

 

_ Maybe the exhaustion is catching up with me.  _

“I think I'm fine. Just… burnt out. Running on empty here. W-what happened to Yuri though?”

 

He let out a drained sigh.

“A nurse came and took her to an examination room. It'll probably be another few hours, so let's hunker down, maybe grab a snack from the vending machine or something...”

 

Natsuki nodded, wrapping herself tighter in MC's jacket, which she had just realized was swathed about her. The TV mounted near the ceiling played a cheery, colorful game show full of smiling, laughing contestants, as if to spite the emergency room full of miserable people, each undergoing some kind of personal tragedy. She glanced around at the other occupants of the waiting area.  _ Half these people are probably here for dying family members or something. At least Yuri’s alive... _

 

After several minutes the police officer approached. She appeared to be in her early thirties and had her black hair pulled back into a neat ponytail.

“Hi there, folks. I’m officer Orihara, but you can just call me Rin." She shook both of their hands. "I’d like to hear you’re side of what happened tonight.”

 

Natsuki recounted every detail leading up to the date that she could recall. She still had Yuri's phone, so she was able to check the exact dates of all the messages in the Kindler app. His profile had been deleted, but the chat history was still in tact. She was even able to find downloads of his pictures and a screenshot of his profile, which Yuri had shared with Monika and Sayori earlier that week. Officer Rin took notes and gave Natsuki an email address to send the chat logs and images to.

 

Looking over the photos, the officer let out a sigh. "There aren't any close-ups of his face. And with the sunglasses you can barely see it anyway. It's possible these pictures aren't even actually him."

 

_ Dammit she’s probably right. I should have done a reverse image search on the pictures before the date. _

 

The policewoman looked over her shoulder and gestured at some nearby nurses.

"It'll be simple to prove that she was drugged with a blood test, and they'll most likely be able to retrieve se- ...uuh… DNA samples, but that won't do us much good if he isn't already in any databases.

 

MC sighed, frowning.

“So proving the crime is easy, but finding the criminal isn’t.”

 

“Exactly. Don't give up hope, but you two need to be there for your friend right now. Try to focus on helping her heal, and leave the criminal investigation to us. Sometimes friends and family get too obsessed with the police end of things because they want justice, and they end up hurting the victim even more."

 

He nodded, grimacing slightly. “Do you happen to know who I can talk to about paying for her treatment tonight? She doesn't have insurance.”

 

_ Oh god, I hadn't even thought of that. _

 

The officer shrugged, indicating towards the front desk, “Don't worry too much about the medical expenses tonight. The provincial government has a program to reimburse assault victims for out-of-pocket costs. She may have to come up with the money if her application doesn't go through by the time the bills are due, but she'll get it back eventually." 

_ Thank god, she still hasn't finished paying off the medical debt from her attempt. _

 

Rin itched her jaw and continued, "It might take a while to set her up with a councillor though, and I could see from her arms that she's had… _ struggles _ in the past so, uh… just keep a close eye on her. She'll need you."

 

Natsuki frowned, realizing just how deep and long-lived the aftermath of this issue could be. "We will."

 

When the officer excused herself, MC turned to face Nat.

"Why don't you let me front the cash for the medical bills before we leave tonight? Then she won't have to worry about the due date of the bills and all that shit before the government paperwork goes through?"

 

"That's probably gonna be a lot Emmy," she replied, "just let me cover it."

 

"Nonsense. I'm not an apprentice anymore. I've been doing really well since I went full-time, and living with my dad means I don't have to worry about rent like you and Yuri do. Let me do this."

 

It was an argument Natsuki didn't have the energy for, so she relented. She ended up being secretly grateful, though, as the bill amounted to more than two months' rent.

\---

 

The sun, just beyond the horizon, was leaching color into the gray sky as MC’s car carried the three of them away from the hospital. Natsuki would have liked to think of it as a sign that everything would be okay, but the sight of Yuri curled in the back seat like a dried up spider carcass gave her serious doubts.

 

_ Look at this awful mess I've made. She trusted me, and look what happened.  _

 

After hours of waiting and talking with police, doctors, and hospital staff, Nat was at her wit’s end. She couldn't recall a single point in her 21 years when she'd felt more drained. Her eyes were burning in her sockets as if replaced by canned green olives, and her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls.

 

MC broke the silence as they approached the girls’ part of the city. 

“Alright. Two options. A- I drop you two off, then go home to grab some clothes, and come back to crash on your couch for the week. B- You two go grab some clothes and stuff and come stay in the guestroom at my place.”

 

Though slightly annoyed, Nat admitted to herself that it was the right call. There was no way that Yuri could be left alone over the next few days, and having MC around would mean one of them could stay with her while the other ran errands.She craned her neck to peek at her friend. Yuri sat, catatonic, staring at the floor mat in front of her. With a grimace, Natsuki answered on her behalf.

“We’ll take you up on the guest room. But let's give Yuri a few minutes to take a shower before we head out.”

 

MC nodded in reply. Nat couldn’t imagine how unclean Yuri must have felt, so she wanted to let her bathe as soon as possible. She had planned to sleep on the floor of Yuri’s bedroom for at least a week, helping with any panic attacks and preventing any self-harm attempts, but staying with Emon and his father would make things easier. It meant they could share a more spacious room with two beds, not to mention there wouldn't be a  _ huge knife collection _ within arm’s reach. 

 

MC parked along the sidewalk across from Natsuki’s apartment building. As she walked around the back side of the car, Natsuki noticed that only MC had exited the vehicle. She peered through the window to see Yuri, still transfixed on the floor. She tapped on the window to no avail. 

 

_ Man, she’s spacing out hard... _

 

She tapped the window harder this time. Harder than she meant to- the dark haired girl jolted to life, letting out a gasp. After regaining her bearings, Yuri stumbled out of the back seat, muttering a shaky apology. Reminding herself that the uninjured side is the one that the sling strap hangs from, Nat tried to reassure her by gently patting her shoulder.

“You don't need to apologize for anything. Were you listening to our plans at all in the car?”

 

Purple hair swung back and forth as Yuri shook her head in reply. 

 

“Well, MC and I were thinking that maybe you and I could share the guest bedroom at his house.”

 

Her friend seemed confused, clearly too exhausted and drugged out to think straight. 

“What? H-how come?”

 

“Do you remember the… uuh… safety protocol we had after Shiba…um... passed? Where I slept in your room and we had the no-closed-doors rule and stuff? We think that would be a good idea, and doing it at his place might be easier."

 

She watched Yuri’s expression as she processed the explanation. Confusion was followed by understanding, then dejection, and finally acceptance. Natsuki was pretty sure that despite hurt feelings, Yuri understood that it was the best course of action. She continued, “If we stay with MC and Pedro, I'll have a bed too, and Emmy won't have to sleep on our couch. Is that something you'd be okay with?”

 

“W-wait, MC would be staying with… what?”

 

MC finally chimed in. 

“Me and Nat are your friends, Yuri, and we love you. I'd actually call you family. We’re gonna be here for you no matter what. A-and right now, that means  _ literally _ being with you. Wherever you want to stay, we’ll stay too. I thought a change of scenery might help, but if you'd rather stay at home I'll happily take the sofa.”

 

Natsuki nodded in agreement. “You're… more of a family to me than anyone else in the world Yuri.” She hated saying sappy things like that, but it was true. 

 

Yuri uttered a strange sound, seemingly stuck between words. "E- b- I d-don't…"

She backed up against the car and crouched down, pulling at her hair with her good hand. Her breathing became heavier and more erratic as she muttered unintelligibly. Natsuki grabbed Yuri's hand and began tracing her finger along the palm, while Emmy tried to hold eye contact and speak to her in a soft, calming voice.

 

Despite their best attempts to ground her in reality, Yuri was stuck in fight or flight mode, hyperventilating, with a visage of sheer terror. It was the most intense panic attack Natsuki had seen Yuri have in years. 

_ Not surprising after what she's been through tonight. _

 

After a minute and a half, the sweat-drenched girl fainted. Not too surprising, considering the extent of hyperventilation, but still very unnerving. Natsuki managed to catch her before she slumped over sideways onto the ground.

 

The seconds dragged on impossibly long before Yuri, propped against the side of MC's car, began to respond to Nat's voice. Her eyes opened slowly. For a few brief moments she looked confused. Ignorant.  _ Innocent _ . Natsuki watched that innocence die, as Yuri recovered her bearings, and the memories of the past day came flooding back. 

 

Natsuki gently cupped her friend's uninjured shoulder. "A-are you okay, Yuri?" The purple-haired girl nodded, so she asked, "What brought that on? Do you not want Emmy staying with us?"

 

The boy fidgeted, clearly hurt by this notion, but trying to hide it.

 

Yuri shook her head. 

"No, it’s n-not that… I-it's… too much. Y-you're both putting in s-so much effort for…  _ me _ . It's m-more trouble than I'm worth. You'll start to resent me for it like Sh-shiba did and I'll lose you. Please just… f-forget about all of this. Don't waste-

 

“Please don't talk like that, Yuri," MC interrupted. "The positive impact you've had on our lives… it would be worth this stress and trouble a million times over. We want to help you through this because we love you. I-it's what family does, okay? Let's all head inside, then you can take a shower and pack up, okay?”

 

Together, Natsuki and Emon pulled the injured girl to her feet, and helped her keep balance across the street and up the stairs. "Y'know, Shiba didn't actually resent you," she chided as they walked. "He was just trying to say the most hurtful thing he could come up with in that moment, so that you'd stop pressing him." Yuri said nothing in reply.  _ Does she really not believe that? It was plain as day that Shiba adored her, and she was probably the closest friend he had. _

 

Natsuki unlocked the apartment and the trio stumbled through the door. She guided Yuri to the bathroom while MC collapsed onto the couch. 

 

“Alright, Yuri, hop in the shower and I'll bring you some clothes.”

 

Yuri responded with a barely-perceptible nod. Natsuki heard the shower start up as she scoured Yuri's bedroom for clean pajamas. After a few minutes she scraped together a suitable outfit, folded it up, and placed it in the bathroom. 

_ That took obnoxiously long to find.  _

Natsuki remembered the way Yuri used to keep her room impeccably clean, but at some point she'd fallen behind and given up. She wasn't sure exactly when it had been. Now the entire space was in disarray.

 

Natsuki sat down in the hallway with her back against the wall, setting a timer on her phone for fifteen minutes. She planned to check on her friend if she wasn’t done by the time it went off. It was a good thing too; she dozed off two minutes into browsing social media, and awoke with a start to the chiming of her phone. 

 

Natsuki could hear the muffled sounds of water, still coursing through the pipes and slapping against the shower floor. She cracked the door open. 

“Yuri? Are you Okay in there?”

She waited several seconds. There was no answer.

“If you don't say something now I'm coming in… ...Okay, h-here I come.”

 

With her heart in her throat, Natsuki approached the shower. 

_ What if she had a knife hidden in here somewhere?  _

 

Natsuki was relieved to find an un-lacerated Yuri, sat upon the floor with water running down her back. Even though her face was wet from the shower, Nat could tell that she was crying. 

_ At least she's not in danger. Well… immediate danger anyway.  _

 

“Have you washed yet?”

 

Yuri shook her head silently.

 

“Okay, let me help you then. There's probably only a few minutes left before the water goes cold.”

 

It had been a couple years since they'd visited a hot spring together, and Natsuki hadn't seen her friend shirtless in ages. It struck her how skinny her roommate had become as she scrubbed her shoulders and back with the washcloth.  _ God, her rib cage… it's just how I looked when I lived with Papa. _

 

As they continued, Natsuki felt sick to her stomach. She was starting to realize Yuri’s state might have been worse than she thought, even before any of this happened. Her skeletal figure, her unkempt room, her flaring anxiety… 

_ Was I just willfully ignorant of the signs this whole time? Was I complacent while she needed my help?  _

 

Natsuki caught a glimpse of the scar from Yuri's attempt, still angry-looking and prominent upon her stomach, despite the years that had passed. Her eyes began to sting, and her lip quivered.

_ Was I pushing her when that was the last thing she needed? Now she's been traumatized.  _

Nat forced the tears back while Yuri toweled herself off, and they exited the bright, warm sanctuary of the bathroom. The rest of the dim apartment felt cold and unwelcoming by comparison. Natsuki could hear MC snoring from the living room. Despite her unease about the safety of her flat, she decided they better get some sleep before heading to his house. 

 

Nat drank a swallow water straight from the kitchen sink and headed to her room to retrieve her blanket and pillow. After pulling a sleeping bag from the closet, she walked to Yuri's bedroom. Upon returning, she found the girl sitting cross-legged in front of her bearded dragon’s enclosure, quietly cooing over the lizard with a soft, broken voice. She could almost smile, seeing Yuri find comfort in… something. 

 

Natsuki wished she could wrap her arms around Yuri and cradle her to sleep like a protective mother, but reasoned that it might do more harm than good, considering Yuri's romantic feelings. She wanted to take away Yuri's pain more than anything, but she had no idea how. Nat was filled with the tragic, directionless zeal born of determination and futility. It was like watching someone hurt a kitten on the opposite side of a chasm, helplessly pacing with now way to cross.

 

After half-heartedly shoving aside some debris on the floor and placing her sleeping bag, Natsuki quickly scanned the area around them. She gathered up any knives that were lying out in the open and removed them from the bedroom. Once she had found a suitable hiding place for Yuri's collection, she laid a spare blanket over MC, put out the light, and returned to Yuri. Despite the overwhelming anxiety swirling around in her head like a tempest, Natsuki’s body was so exhausted that she was asleep in minutes, though not before she was positive that Yuri was asleep.

 


	7. A Mess (6)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after the incident, and everyone is struggling to process their feelings.

The smell of pancakes wafting through the air beckoned Natsuki out of a vague, hazy dream. After a few moments of confusion, she processed her atypical surroundings, and remembered that she'd slept in Yuri's room. She noticed her friend still asleep atop the bed, and stealthily slipped from her sleeping bag on the floor, exiting the room.

 

She tried to check the time, but her phone was unresponsive.

_ Fuck, no battery. _

 

Rounding the corner to the kitchen, Nat found MC cooking on the stove. "Morning," he said with a forced smile. She waved back at him as she scampered to her room and retrieved her phone charger, plugging it in at the kitchen counter. 

 

"Before you say anything, no. I don't need help," he teased, "just sit back and relax for once. No backseat cooking today."

 

"Yeah yeah yeah," Natsuki replied as she began to inspect the prescriptions Yuri had been discharged with.  

_ Okay, this one's definitely a painkiller... no more than three per day, alright... and this one's... supposed to help with swelling... no alcohol- that won't be a problem... This third one... a tranquilizer? What the fu- oh wait, it says it's for anxiety... _

 

"Hey Emmy, have you ever heard of this stuff?" Natsuki handed him the bottle.

 

"Oh yeah," he responded, "She had this drug or something similar before she lost her insurance. I think you called them her 'zombie pills' or something."

 

"Oh, right.  _ Those _ ." Natsuki shuddered. On the few occasions that Yuri had needed to use those emergency meds, they were very effective, but they’d had an uncanny effect. It was like her soul and personality- everything that made her Yuri- was taken away, leaving behind a passive, barely sentient husk of a person. "Let's hope she doesn't need them very often."

 

As Emmy nodded in agreement, Nat's charging phone exploded to life in a cacophony of vibration and beeps.

 

_ Jesus, what's going on? I hope that didn’t wake Yuri. _

 

Natsuki looked at the screen and saw that she had over a dozen new text messages and several missed calls. On top of that, the clock reported that it was around dinner time.

_ Man, we slept for 13 hours? I certainly don't feel that well rested. _

 

She unlocked the screen.

 

8 hours ago from Sayori:  _ ‘Hey have you heard from MC? He's supposed to come visit today but I can't get in touch with him.’ _

 

7 hours ago from Sayori: _ ‘When did you last hear from him? I'm a little worried.’ _

 

6 hours ago from Sayori:  _ ‘Could you call me when you get this? Pedro isn't sure where he is either and I'm kinda freaking out.’ _

 

6 hours ago:  _ Missed call from Monika _

 

6 hours ago from Monika: _ ‘Hey Nat, call when you get this. Yuri and MC aren't answering either. Did something happen?’ _

 

6 hours ago from Pedro: _ 'Do you happen to know where my son is?' _

 

5 hours ago:  _ 3 missed calls from Monika and Sayori.  _

 

4 hours ago:  _ Missed call from Monika _

 

3 hours ago from Monika:  _ ‘Alright, We're taking the train home. Worried sick about all of you. Sayori's losing it.’ _

 

Natsuki sighed heavily. She wasn't ready to deal with all these explanations. "Emmy… you were supposed to visit Moni and Sayori today?"

 

The boy froze, nearly dropping the last pancake en route to the plate. "Aah shit, I totally forgot."

"Okay," she grumbled, "I'll send them a message real quick."

 

In a group message to Sayori, Monika, and Pedro, she typed 'MC is with us. Sorry. Dead battery. Very long story.' and pressed send. Within seconds the piercing ringtone accosted Natsuki's ear drums, announcing a call from Sayori.

"Nat? What's going on? Is everyone okay?"

 

Natsuki froze up. How could she answer that question? Nobody was dead, but it was safe to say that none of them were in a good place mentally.

 

"Nat?!?" The girl's voice sounded frantic and thin against the rumbling backdrop of train noise. 

 

'I… uh… I don't know. We're all here, all...  _ in one piece, _ I guess. Yuri is hurt but… we can explain when you get here, okay? How far away are you?"

 

Nat's words didn't seem to comfort Sayori. If anything, she sounded more worried than ever. "O-okay… W-we'll be there in about half an hour."

 

Natsuki exhaled, pinching at the bridge of her nose between her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sayo. I have to go. I'll see you in a bit. Love you. Bye."

 

Turning towards MC, she asked, "should I go roust Yuri for breakfast?"

 

"Before we wake her, there's something I wanted to talk to you about," he said, covering the pancakes with an upside-down plate.

"I…" he sighed, "Do you remember my friend Dom, from when I worked at the gas station? I think you met him a few times."

 

"Vaguely," Natsuki replied, trying to recall his face. "Why?"

 

"He was enrolled in a government-sponsored counseling program at one point, and, like… his therapist was good and all, but he only had sessions once a month, and they would get cancelled somewhat often. Plus he had to wait around two months for the initial intake appointment, and two more to be assigned his counselor. I kind of... feel like Yuri would be better off with some kind of private therapy."

 

Natsuki grimaced, unsure of how Yuri, who often just  _ barely _ managed to cover her existing bills, could afford private therapy. Before she could voice this concern though, her friend continued. 

 

"The thing is, it's outrageously expensive without insurance, and if you don't get it as a benefit from your employer, the insurance itself is  _ just as  _ outrageously expensive."

 

_ Exactly! _

Frustration swirled inside her like embers excited by a gust of wind. She knew all this already, so why was he even saying it?

"Right, and she's self-employed. And I don't think she's in any kind of condition to be interviewing for full-time jobs right now! Not until she  _ gets  _ therapy, at least, so it's a catch-22!"

 

_ I shouldn't be snapping at him; it's not his fault. Why am I such a bitch?  _

 

"That's not what I'm suggesting," he responded, keeping his cool. "She's too old to be adopted, but… what if Yuri and I were to get legally married? Then she could be covered by my insurance from work.”

 

Natsuki stared back, slack-jawed for a moment, before she could say anything. 

"W-well that's one hell of a way to ask her out."

 

"Well it would just be on paper…" MC said, flushing.

 

_ No way, that would fuck with her head so bad.  _

 

"So… insurance fraud then," She chided, hoping to avoid explaining her real objection.

 

"Nat," he retorted, "you realize how fucked the  _ entire _ medical system is in this country, right? You know me. I don't litter or drive over the speed limit or, like…  _ jaywalk _ even... but I wouldn't feel guilty about this for a millisecond."

 

"Still though, I don't think it's a good idea," Natsuki snapped, more aggressively than she meant to.

_ Way to go, me. That won't raise any questions. _

 

" _ Why _ , though?!?" He pleaded, genuinely confused.

 

_ He's really gonna make me say it? _

"Because she  _ loves _ you! She's had feelings for you for  _ six fucking years _ , and pretending to be in a relationship with you would be psychological  _ torture _ ."

 

After a dumbfounded moment, he buried his face in his hands.

"R-really?"

 

"Yea. So unless you're going to  _ actually  _ try and have a serious relationship with her, forget about that idea. Are you even interested in having a relationship with  _ anyone? _ "

 

He bit his lip nervously. 

"I-I… th-that's… something I've been trying to figure out for myself, a-and it's kind of a long story."

 

_ Ah jeez, and I brought it up in such a negative way.  _

"I-I'm sorry Emmy. I'm just frazzled and irritable from last night. I don't mean to guilt trip you or anything."

 

"It's alright Nat. I… I understand."

 

It was not too relevant to their conversation, but curiosity was pulling on Natsuki's mind like a bandage tugging on skin.

"Is it something you'd be comfortable telling me about? I-it's perfectly okay if not. I won't be offended or anything."

 

"N-no, it's okay, I trust you."

His blushed again.

"So… I love spending time with Yuri, and I think she's funny and pretty and intelligent… I feel  _ some kind  _ of love for her, but I feel the same way about Sayori and… about you. I-I don't know if it's the kind of platonic love everyone feels for their very close friends or... if it's romantic."

 

_ Wait, did he just… _

"O-oh… So are you like… asexual or something?"

 

"N-no…"

The red on MC's cheeks darkened.

"I definitely feel sexual attraction; I find women physically attractive, and I've even had sex with a couple different people. It's just the emotional stuff that I'm questioning. This  _ protectiveness _ and  _ admiration _ that I feel… am I somehow in love with all three of you, or with nobody?"

 

"Whoa back up for a second there? My innocent little Emmybuns isn't a pure maiden?!? I've never even heard of you dating anyone!"

 

"Well, if it had gotten serious with anyone I would have said something, or if you'd ever  _ asked  _ about it. But yeah I've dated around four people. I couldn't really connect with any of them, though, so nothing ever lasted too long."

 

Natsuki considered his words. "Okay… so… would you be open to  _ try _ dating Yuri if you were to go through with this plan? Since you  _ do  _ have  _ some kind  _ of connection with her that you didn’t have with the others?"

 

Emon looked down at his feet. 

"I've sort of committed to… giving things a go with Sayori when she moves back in the spring. It's a long story; something she and I have been considering and discussing for years, but...

 

Natsuki peaked towards the bedroom to make sure Yuri wasn't awake yet.

_ This is the last thing she needs to hear right now. _

"Listen, Emmy. Let me handle the therapy thing, okay? I'll find…  _ some way  _ to get her any and every type of treatment she needs. No matter what it takes."

 

He looked skeptical, but MC nodded. Natsuki began setting plates on the table, which he took as a prompt to wake Yuri, heading over to her room. 

 

The pancakes weren't piping hot anymore, but they still seemed pleasantly warm. _If only I had the slightest appetite right now…_ Her stomach felt like a pouch full of rocks. As Nat sat down, Emon emerged with a sleep-dazed Yuri in tow. The various splotches of red that had spotted her skin the previous night were now sickly shades of purple, green, and yellow.

"M-morning," she stammered as she plopped down into a seat.

 

"...Hi," Natsuki replied, too afraid to ask 'How are you?' 

 

The trio shared their meal in a heavy silence, not ready to openly discuss what had happened, and too tired to make bullshit smalltalk.

 

Natsuki picked half-heartedly at her pancake, forcing herself to eat despite her aching stomach. While Yuri seemed to be doing the same, Emon had already wolfed down two pancakes. 

_ Oh, right, I forgot that he stress-eats. _

 

The loud shriek of the door buzzer broke the calm, heralding the arrival of Sayori and Monika. 

 

She turned to MC, who was standing up to put away his plate. "Can you go downstairs and let them in the front door?" 

 

"O….kay," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Can't I just buzz them in?"

 

Nat grabbed his arm as he was walking by, tugging him down to whisper in his ear.

"We haven't explained what happened last night to either of them yet. Do you think it would be beneficial for Yuri to sit there, listening to us retell the  _ horribly _ traumatic event that  _ just fucking happened _ to her?"

 

He looked down at the floor. "Right. S-sorry."

 

_ God, I didn't have to be so nasty. I need to apologize to him at some point.  _

 

Giving up on her half-eaten pancake, Natsuki cradled her head in her hands and listened to the door shut behind MC.

She looked up to realize Yuri was staring at her. "W-what's going on, Nat?  Who's here?"

_ Right, she wasn't awake yet when they called… _

 

"Ah. Sayori and Monika are coming. Emmy forgot he'd planned to visit them today, and then nobody could get in touch with him, or us for that matter. Y’know, since our phones were dead… so they got worried so they took the train over from Cynosure."

 

"Oh… O-okay. I-I'll have to apologize for r-ruining their plans."

 

"What are you saying?!?" Natsuki scolded, more aggressively than she intended to. "You don't need to apologize. Do you not realize the gravity of… ugh. They're not gonna care. You're  _ way _ more important."

 

Yuri began to fidget.

"D-do they already know what happened?"

 

"No, Emmy is explaining it to them right now."

Natsuki looked down at her friend's pancake and saw that there were barely two bites missing.

"How about you eat a little more of that," she urged, pointing at Yuri’s plate.

 

"I-I-I... don't feel good, N-Nat. I don't w-want to eat anymore."

 

"You need nutrition for your body to recover. And you can't take your meds on an empty stomach. C'mon," Natsuki pleaded gently.

 

"I don't n-need to take-"

 

"Don't bullshit me, Yuri,” she groaned, exasperated. “You're _ barely  _ even moving and I can  _ visibly _ see that your shoulder is hurting you."

 

Yuri turned her gaze down towards the table. "I'm not putting that  _ shit _ in my body, Nat! Not after what happened to Shiba!" Natsuki found the sudden explosion extremely unnerving. Even during their biggest arguments in the past, Yuri had never raised her voice like that. Without saying anything else, Nat picked up the bottle and read it. 

 

_ She's right, these are opiates. I get why she doesn't want to take them, though it's not exactly rational… _

"Well… okay. You don't have to take the painkillers. But can you at least take the antihistamines? They should help with the swelling and pain, and they're not opiates. Please? Just, like, four good bites of food and then the pills?"

 

Reluctantly, Yuri began to pick at her plate again. 

 

As her injured roommate ate, Natsuki decided to check on her other friends. Opening the door, she could hear MC's voice reverberating in the hallway. When she rounded the corner, Natsuki saw Sayori's horrified look and Monika's solemn scowl as they listened to his explanation.

"...but she only drank, like, a quarter of it. A-and because of that, the drug wore off before he… before everything was over. When she started to resist he beat her senseless... So just… b-be gentle if you're gonna touch her. "

 

At that moment, Sayori, close to tears, noticed Natsuki standing there. Nat braced herself just in time for the walloping hug from the peach-haired girl.

"N-Nats! I'm so sorry!"

The embrace conveyed her empathy and solidarity with more nuance than the most skilled wordsmith could express. Natsuki let herself revel in the feeling for a moment.

 

"Hi Sayo. Hi Moni. I guess Emmy already explained what happened to her, so that just leaves our plan. We're gonna go stay with him and Pedro, and keep a  _ really _ close eye on her for a while. Like,  _ not-leave-her-alone-for-more-than-10-minutes _ close."

 

"Alright. Do you have the safety protocol on paper  anywhere?" Monika asked. "The psychologist should have made her write it down and share it with you when… when she was in the hospital a couple years ago."

 

Natsuki nodded. "Yeah, I have that in the filing box that I use for bills and other important stuff."

 

"Good," Monika said, turning towards MC, "that should help your dad get up to speed. You guys might want to reread it too, just in case there's anything you've forgotten that might be helpful."

 

"So is that everything?" Sayori interrupted, twiddling her fingers impatiently. "Can I see her now?" Her expression made it clear that she was desperately worried. 

 

"Sure. Just remember not to hug her too tightly."

Natsuki opened the door, ushering her guests inside.

 

Before MC could enter, she handed him her now-somewhat-charged phone. "Give your dad a call. Let him know you're okay, and about what happened, alright? Make sure he's okay with us staying there."

 

MC rubbed at his sunken, bloodshot eyes.

"He'll obviously be okay with you taking the guest room. He thinks of you two like family as much as I do."

 

Natsuki tried to stop herself from getting annoyed.  _ I'm being way too irritable this morning. Let's try to stay relaxed _

"Well we should still be courteous. And he's probably worried about you. He still doesn't know what's going on."

 

"I suppose I should fill him in before we all show up over there. It's just… painful to explain. It felt like a piece of my soul, like... chipped off and disintegrated while I was describing it to Sayori."

Reluctantly, Emon accepted the phone and ambled towards the stairwell.

 

Natsuki's head was beginning to ache, as if her skull was being compressed in a vise. After taking a few moments to collect herself, she re-entered the apartment. Only vaguely cognizant of the other people in the room, she rationed out a dose of Yuri's antihistamine prescription and poured a glass of water. It took her exhausted mind a long moment to realize that Yuri's spot was now vacant.

 

Glancing around, she met eyes with Monika. 

"Yuri took Sayo to visit Cecil. Her room was a bit… claustrophobic, so I decided to just stay out here."

 

Natsuki was tempted to tease Monika, suspecting that she was just scared of the lizard, but she didn't have enough energy for that kind of exchange. Instead, she simply nodded, muttering thanks, and went to Yuri's room. 

 

Sayori sat on the floor with Cecil on her lap, happily soaking up her body heat and attention. Yuri was taking the opportunity to clean his enclosure, carefully adding water and conditioner to his newly washed dish, and spot-cleaning any detritus she could find. 

_ Look at that spotless cage in the middle of this shithole room. Is that irony? Or maybe paradox? _

"I've got your medicine, Yuri."

 

"O-oh, okay." 

Yuri looked back and forth between her good hand, which was holding a paper towel full of lizard poop, and Natsuki.

"Uuh… l-let me wash my-"

 

"Just open your mouth," Natsuki ordered, trying and failing to keep from sounding annoyed. She didn't want to be angry but it seemed her patience had been washed away by the tidal wave of anxiety, guilt, and dejection that had been the past twenty four hours.

 

After feeding the pills to Yuri, Nat returned to the living room and sat down on the couch, rubbing her temples gingerly.

_ I just need to calm down. Take some deep breaths… stop being an asshole to all my friends… _

Natsuki resented her short-tempered nature, but found it difficult to quell. Her childhood home life had subconsciously taught her that yelling and anger were appropriate responses to pretty much  _ any _ kind of stress.

 

After a few moments, Natsuki felt the sofa cushion depress beside her, as copper-brown locks of hair swung into her peripheral vision.

"I'm taking the week off from school to help out here," Monika announced, matter-of-fact-ly.

 

Natsuki wanted to protest.  _ This is my fault! It's my responsibility to help her, not anyone else's! _

The stern expression that her senior wore, however, told her that argument would be futile. "Fine," she replied. "What are you planning to do?"

 

"I think I'll start by cleaning her room. That way, when she comes back, it'll be organized and pleasant, and help keep her in a better headspace. I can't imagine being in that room and  _ not  _ feeling shitty and depressed.”

Monika shuddered.  _ Neat freak. _

"Somebody probably needs to call all of her clients, too, and let them know that there might be some delays because of this. I can also keep an eye on her while you, MC, and Pedro are out working or shopping or whatever, and even help with cooking."

 

_ Man, I didn't even think of half that stuff.  _

"Alright. That's… a good idea. Uh… multiple good ideas, I mean." 

 

Natsuki could have sworn she saw a hint of smug vindication in Monika's smile, but she'd just resolved to  _ stop _ being an asshole to her friends, so she said nothing. She let herself sink backwards into the couch cushions.

"I'm just gonna shut my eyes for a minute, okay? Let me know if you need anything."

 

She wasn't even sure if Monika had answered when she began to drift off. 

\---

 

"It's about time to go, Nat."

She could hear MC's voice, slowly tearing her from the warm embrace of slumber like a bird ripping a worm out from the ground. "Sayori and Yuri should be back from their walk anytime, so get ready"

 

Natsuki tried to rub the sleep from her eyes.

"Ugh. I haven't even packed yet Emmy. Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"

 

"Monika packed for you and Yuri," he said, indicating towards the pair of duffel bags sitting on the living room floor beside Yuri's bass case. 

 

"Oh…" 

Nat slinked over to the bags and opened hers, inspecting the contents.

 

_ Tops, bottoms, a jacket, pajamas, toiletries, laptop, DVDs… damn, she's thorough.  _ Opening the side pocket, she found some snacks along with several pairs of socks… and underwear. 

_ Monika you creep! You don't go snooping through peoples' underwear drawers! _

 

Opting not to yell at Monika, Nat zipped her bag up and turned back to MC. "I'll help carry all this shit down to the car." 

He nodded in reply.

 

Yuri and Sayori returned as they hoisted the bags into the trunk, and after a few minutes, Natsuki, MC, and Yuri set off, leaving Sayori behind to help Monika. It was a somber car ride, and even MC's normally-boisterous father seemed subdued and morose as he welcomed the trio home.

 

As she set her duffel bag down in the guestroom, the addled cloudiness of the situation hit Natsuki like a storm surge. She had no idea what she should do. No idea how to help. No idea how to fix this blunder. But she had to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is getting painful to write. I've known generally where it was going to go since the beginning but putting the characters i love into this fucked of a situation is making it more difficult than I anticipated.  
> The story should get rolling here though. I hope I can convey the character growth and healing that I want to. With this fic, I set out to explore some gray, muddy dilemmas as the characters try to cope with tragedy. The story doesn't really have a traditional narrative, so i might struggle to maintain a sense of progress or direction. I guess real life doesn't always have that kind of structure, and i guess i'm trying to capture the confusion and apprehension that comes with tough situations? I don't really know- I'm not an actual writer or anything, and I'm not trying to sound pretentious here. That being said, I'd love to hear feedback, critiques, comments, etc!


	8. A Memory (7)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki dwells on some troubling memories after an argument

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big TW for this one, folks

Natsuki pulled two beer cans from the case, handing one to MC. It was her first New Year's celebration since graduating highschool and beginning work full-time, and she managed to get one of her older coworkers at the grocery store to buy some champagne and other drinks for her. 

_ If only Sayo and Monika hadn't stayed in the capitol for their college friend's party this time, we could've had more fun. _

 

"Do you think she's okay?" MC asked, indicating towards Yuri's door. "I thought she would've come out here by now."

 

Natsuki grimaced. "Let's give her some space. New Year's Eve was a big deal with her family. She was trying to call her parents all week, hoping to, like,  _ reconnect _ , but… I guess they're still stonewalling her."

_ She's been moping contantly and nothing I've done has cheered her up anyway, so fuck it. _

 

"Oh, that's right, this'll be the first year she's not spending it with them at her grandma's place, won't it?" he considered. "Hmm… I wish I'd realized ahead of time. We could have made some of the special Japanese food and set up a kotatsu or something."

 

"I don't know," Natsuki pondered, unsure of whether recreating the memories would make her roommate feel better or worse. "I think it was less about the food and more about the way her parents would  _ actually  _ spend quality time with her…" Nat remembered that despite terrible travel anxiety, Yuri always eagerly awaited her new years' trip to Japan."But I still think we should leave her alone. She just  _ wants _ to be sad right now so we should let her do that.  _ Process her feelings _ and whatnot."

 

MC sighed, taking a sip of his beer.

"Alright, we won't bother her until it's time to count down. But she definitely has to come out for the toast. Let's try to enjoy ourselves in the meantime," he said, producing a well-used board game from his bag.

 

"Ah damn, the party's really firing up now! Careful or the neighbors might call the cops on us!" Natsuki teased, pretending she hadn't been looking forward to playing  _ Pioneers of Lacan _ all week. "I'm gonna destroy you this time!"

 

"Hey, we  _ both _ lost last time. And you only did better than I did because Monika was targeting me specifically. It won't be so easy 1-on-1."

 

"Excuses!" Nat shouted.  "We'll see who wins!"

 

...

 

Nobody won. The game was designed for three or more players, and after an hour of stalemate, both of them gave up. They'd been chatting while a movie played when Natsuki noticed that midnight was just twenty minutes away.

"Ooh it's almost time! I'll find a livestream of one of the firework ceremonies. Can you get the champagne from the fridge, Emmy?"

 

"Sure," MC replied, "I'll get Yuri too. She's probably fallen asleep by now."

 

Natsuki continued searching for a suitable stream while he wandered over to the kitchen. Suddenly there was a loud crash, followed by a sizzle. Surging with adrenaline from the startling noise, she whipped her head around to see that MC, who stood by Yuri's open door, had dropped the champagne bottle on the floor.

 

"Ah, come on Emmy! What the fuck?!? We only had one of those!"

 

The boy remained frozen, as if he hadn't  even heard her.  _ Something is definitely off. Shit, is Yuri having a relapse? _

 

Nat hoisted herself off the sofa and ran to the other girl's bedroom, narrowly avoiding the broken glass as she approached the door. 

 

What she found looked like a scene from a gory war movie. 

 

Huge blotches of red and rusty brown stained Yuri's light blue sheets, as the barely-conscious girl writhed sluggishly in the bed. Lacerations deeper than any Natsuki had seen her inflict before were scattered over Yuri's arms, and the ornate handle of a pocket knife protruded from the edge of a deep gash in her gut. 

 

Natsuki nearly threw up. Turning to MC, she shouted, "Emmy! Look at me. Find one of our phones and call an ambulance  _ RIGHT NOW! _ "

 

The boy snapped out of his trance, nodding and running to the living room to follow through on the direct orders. 

 

_ Okay okay, fuck, okay, uuh… first aid. I need the bleeding powder. _

 

Natsuki rushed out of the room, taking a sharp turn towards the bathroom. 

 

The splitting pain in her head was nearly as bad as the sharp stinging in her arm.  _ What the fuck!  _ There was blood coming out of her own skin now, as she slowly stood up from the puddle of champagne and broken glass.  _ Dammit. Stupid! Stupid! _

 

Undeterred, she hobbled into the bathroom, tearing the contents of the cabinets out until she found the box of anti-bleeding powder and the first-aid kit. She'd bought it in case Yuri ever had a serious relapse, but this was beyond anything she'd imagined. Natsuki made her way back to the bedroom, rounding the corner a little more carefully this time, and began frantically ripping open the packets of powder and pouring them into her friend's wounds. 

 

She could hear Emmy's voice as he spoke with the operator. "S-some of the blood has already turned all brown, so I think it's been a while. She's s-still moving and breathing though… N-no, she's not really responding to our voices but she's n-not completely unconscious."

 

Just as Natsuki was about to remove the knife from Yuri's stomach, he exclaimed, "NO! Leave it in! She says it'll bleed a lot more if you pull it out." He pointed at the phone. "J-just try to work around it. I-I'll help you apply pressure."

 

The powder had managed to clog up most of the major cuts by now, but that didn't change the fact that there was a knife lodged in Yuri's stomach, likely causing internal bleeding. "WHEN ARE THEY GONNA FUCKING GET HERE?!?"  Natsuki shouted as she began cleaning and bandaging wherever possible.

 

"Th-they're on the way already," MC replied, eyes full of frantic terror.

 

"Uh… G-go  flag them down and let them in the building."

The boy nodded and ran out the door.

 

_ C'mon, stay with me, Yuri, please.  _

 

Her father's venomous words from the day she moved out echoed in her mind.

 

_ Your mom and your brother both left you and never came back. And they were BLOOD! You think that dyke friend of yours is going to stick around for more than a couple years? You're making a big mistake. _

 

"No no no no! You're gonna be fine."

_ That documentary in history class said it took those WWII soldiers hours to bleed out from seppuku, and this isn't as big of a cut as that, right?  _

“Please god, Yuri, you can't die. Don’t leave me behind!”

_ \---------  _

 

Natsuki's mind kept wandering back to that night three years ago as she sat on the sofa, marinating in a pool of anxiety. Over and over her fingertips would find their way to her glass scar as she ruminated. If she hadn't given up on comforting Yuri, would things have gone differently? Was the current predicament going to turn into a repeat of that awful situation?

 

It had been three days and twice as many panic attacks for Yuri since  _ the date incident _ . Despite still not being totally stable, she was growing increasingly weary of her constant surveillance, she’d been fighting Nat about it constantly since that morning. Natsuki had finally caved with frustration and left her alone. It hadn't been a pleasant exchange for either of them, and she feared what Yuri might do to herself with the privacy she'd won.

-

_ "PLEASE Nat, I'm losing my fucking mind being monitored like this! It's suffocating! Introverts need alone time, y-you know that. I w-won't cut, I promise!" _

 

_ "You said the exact same thing when you were on watch after Shiba died! And what did you do within an hour of being left alone?!? Please trust me that this is what's best. I'm scared for you." _

 

_ "Scared?...I was scared. Scared to join that app, s-scared to reply to the messages, scared to go to that f-fucking restaurant. But I _ **_trusted_ ** _ that you knew  _ **_what’s best_ ** _! I-I don't think you know ANYTHING! So PLEASE just FUCK OFF!" _

 

_ "Really?!? Fine! FINE! Have fun. Do whatever you want, bitch. You can bleed out for all I fucking care!" _

-

"It'll be alright, Nat," Monika said, sitting next to her on the sofa. "Even if she does find some kind of sharp object and relapse... i-it was probably gonna happen eventually anyway, considering what she's been through. And we're here to check on her regularly, so… it shouldn't get too bad."

 

_ Is that really the best attitude to have here? _

 

Sayori shifted back and forth where she sat cross-legged on the floor. 

"She was just playing her bass through headphones when I checked on her a few minutes ago. It looked like it was hurting her bad shoulder a little, but overall she seemed… okay."

 

Natsuki closed her eyes.

"I saw her two hours before she tried to kill herself and she seemed  _ okay _ then, too."

 

_ That was a shitty thing for me to say. Dammit.  _

 

"I'm sorry for snapping at you, Sayo. I'm just really stressed out. None of this would've happened if it weren't for me pressuring her into things she didn't want to do, and I'm just… so  _ so  _ worried that something's gonna happen to her and-"

Natsuki suddenly found herself sandwiched between her two friends in a warm hug as she continued,

"It's so hard to leave her alone when she's like this. If I had been with her...  _ that night,  _ I could've stopped her! A-and now having to force myself to stay away…"

 

"I know. I know. It's okay." Sayori softly cooed, running a hand up and down her back. "You're doing good, Nat. We won't let anything like that happen again, alright? And don't let the things she said get to you. She was just lashing out. I'm sure she doesn't actually blame you for what happened at all."

 

_ It's not like that would be wrong though, would it? _

 

The tender embrace began to melt away Natsuki's facade, leaving her vulnerable to the swirling emotions inside. Feelings that had been festering within her for years, which she'd never articulated or acknowledged, began to bubble to the surface. Natsuki felt her face being pulled into Sayori's shoulder as her composure crumbled.

"W-why does all this awful shit keep happening to us?!? We're not bad people! Yuri doesn't deserve to g-go through all of this! She's so gentle… What is she being punished for?!?"

 

Monika squeezed her hand. 

"It's not fair. But it's done, and lingering on it too much will only make us feel worse. We just have to move forward, alright?"

 

"O-okay."

Nat wiped the moisture from her eyes.

_ Moving forward. What can I do towards that end? Getting her therapy! I need to research that some more. _

"I- uuh… I've been trying to think of ways that I can get Yuri to a therapist. I checked my employment benefit papers yesterday and it said I can have up to two dependents on my insurance, so I want to look into what it takes to have an adult as a dependent."

 

"Ooh, that's right!" Monika remarked. "I think there's a certain evaluation that psychologists can do to determine whether someone can be legally classified that way. I'll look it up to see if it seems like something she might qualify for."

 

Natsuki closed her eyes. She had a guilty feeling, as if she was in a group project at school and her teammates were stuck doing her portion of the work.

_ I guess I won't be able to stop them from helping, though. And it's not just for my sake anyway- I shouldn't let my guilt get in the way of Yuri's recovery. I should be asking more people for help. _

 

"Thanks Monika. Sayo, can you try to find out if there are any local support groups for victims of… this kind of thing? Churches, community programs, non-profits,  _ anything  _ really."

 

Sayori perked up. 

"That's a great idea, Nat, I didn't think of that. I'll go grab my laptop!"

With that she scampered away, and Nat was left to the task she'd been dreading.

 

Her fingers were sluggish, as if full of sand, as she dialed the number of the grocery store staff room and pressed send. 

_ I have to be honest this time. _

 

Luckily, the familiar voice of Natsuki's friend and favorite assistant manager answered.

"Hi, you've reached Maggie's Market, this is Ishanna speaking."

 

"Hi Izzy."

Ishanna had been one of Natsuki's underclassmen in highschool, and although 'assistant manager' was technically higher on the administrative laddar than 'lead baker,' she still looked up to Natsuki. This was Nat's best shot to get her time-off request approved.

 

"Natsuki! Dude! Are you alright? Everyone's been worried about you calling out twice in a row since you, like,  _ never  _ miss work."

 

Nat swallowed.

"I, uh… y-yeah I'm fine. To be honest I haven't actually been sick. It's Yuri."

 

"Oh, is  _ she _ okay?"

 

"Uh... remember how I told you about the kindler date I set her up on? It… aah… she... got drugged and… and r-raped."

Saying the word was like coughing out a bundle of rusty fishing hooks that were lodged in her throat.

"Sh-she also got beaten up pretty badly, so I've been taking care of her…"

 

"O-oh. Oh my god. Nats, that's awful! I'm so sorry! And Yuri doesn't really have any family to look after her, right? You'll need more time off then. For sure. At least the rest of this week, right?"

 

_ Thank god she's being so understanding _ .

"Y-yeah, I was going to ask for more time."

 

"Okay, sweet. Don't worry about it at all. I'll talk to Maggie and the other managers and make sure you're covered completely. Most of them probably still remember when Yuri used to work here, so maybe expect some kind of care package too."

 

It was bizarre to hear her normally sardonic friend being so serious and compassionate.

"Thanks Izzy, I… really appreciate it."

 

"Aww look at little Suki getting all sentimental."  _ That's more like it…  _ "Seriously though, whatever you need, let me know, alright? Something very similar happened to my big sis a couple years ago and I know it can be really hard."

 

"Really?" Nat asked. "D-do you think she'd be willing to talk to Yuri? I think having a friend who's, like…  _ been through it _ before might help her."

 

"Good thinking, man. I'm sure she'll be up for it, but I don't wanna speak  _ for _ her, so let me double-check with her. I'll text you okay? Love you babe."

 

With that the line went dead. 

_ Well that went better than I could have imagined. Everyone is so willing to help clean up this mess I've gotten us into. But if it helps us move forward… maybe that's okay.  _

 

As she reached this conclusion, the front door swung open. MC and Pedro entered the house, loaded like pack mules with grocery bags. 

"Oh, let me help you unload the car!"

It was a welcome distraction.

  
  
  



	9. A Disturbance (8)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsuki, not ready to face Yuri after their fight, waits until the other girl is already asleep to go to bed.

It was 3am when Natsuki finally decided to go to bed. She wasn't upset with Yuri anymore, but she wasn't ready to face her either; she didn't have the words. Not yet, anyway. 

 

Dinner that night had been an uncomfortable ordeal of awkward silence and avoided eye contact between the two, while everyone else tried to act normal.

_ Whatever. We can make up tomorrow.  _

 

MC had been spending the nights on the living room couch, allowing Monika to use his bed, which meant Nat wasn't able to watch TV after he went to sleep. Sayori usually stayed up much later than Emmy did, but she’d been sleeping at her parents' house up the street, and Natsuki didn't want to invite herself over. Instead, she'd been killing time on the kitchen floor, playing games on her phone for hours. Once she'd given Yuri more than enough time to fall asleep, she quietly ascended to the second floor.

 

Nat could hear Yuri mumbling in her slumber as she tiptoed across the dark guestroom. She didn't think much of it at first, but as she laid down and her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she saw her friend in the other bed shifting around in distress.  _ She must be having a nightmare. Fuck. _ Natsuki slipped out from under her blankets and hunched beside Yuri's bed, gently touching the sleeping girl's arm. 

“Yuri. It's okay. It's just a dream.”

 

With a gasp, Yuri bolted upright, eyes frantically darting around the room. Amidst a sudden flurry of limbs and a terrified scream, Natsuki found herself on the floor with ringing ears and aching teeth.  _ Did she just kick me in the fucking jaw? _

 

“What the FUCK, Yuri?!?” Natsuki exclaimed, standing herself up unsteadily. The metallic taste of blood in her mouth brought on flashbacks of her father, further heightening her frenzied emotions. Gingerly her tongue prodded at the mangled bit of flesh inside her cheek where her teeth had gnashed together. No matter how many times she wiped them away, tears kept leaking from her stinging eyes.

 

Monika shot through the door with eyes full of concern. 

“Is everything okay? I heard yelling.”

 

Natsuki couldn't speak without spilling the blood that was collecting in her mouth, and she knew from experience that swallowing that much would make her sick. With the back of her hand over her mouth, she made brief eye contact with Monika, gestured towards the far side of Yuri's bed, where the tall girl was now on the floor hyperventilating, and rushed from the room. She nearly collided with MC as he popped out of the stairwell. Then she noticed his father emerging from the other bedroom to investigate the commotion. 

 

_ Great. It's a big scene and everyone gets to see me crying AGAIN.  _ She'd found herself in tears  _ a lot _ that day, and she hated it.

 

Nat turned into the bathroom and spat into the sink. The stark crimson against the milky white fixture looked like some kind of contemporary art piece.  _ There's the fucking painting, everyone! It represents soiled innocence and scarred friendship. Bidding starts at one lifetime's worth of trauma. Do we have two, folks? _

Tears welled in her eyes with renewed abundance and sobs began to wrack her body, as long, reddened strands of drool dripped into the basin.

 

As the sink reflected her pitiful gasps back into her ears, Natsuki felt a warm, gentle hand touch her shoulder. 

"There there, dear, it's going to be alright," Pedro assured.

 

"Is it though?!?" She challenged. "My best friend is scarred for life and it's all my fucking fault!"

 

"Hey, give Tímida a little more credit than that; She'll be able to recover from this in time. Besides, it's not your fault. The only person to blame is the terrible man who hurt her."

 

With her back against the cabinet, Natsuki slid down to the ground, holding her knees tight to her body.

"But none of it would have happened if I hadn't forced her to go."

 

MC's father slowly lowered himself onto the floor across from her, trying to conceal the pain it caused his aging back. "What happened was… incredibly unlikely. The chance of her date being such a sick person combined with the chance of your safety plan failing… you took more precautions than most. If we all avoided things based on such unlikely scenarios, none of us would ever leave our beds."

 

Natsuki looked up to meet Pedro's eyes. Coming from him, the sentiment seemed to carry more weight. 

 

He continued, "You were... what, fourteen when I met you? You looked so young that I almost didn't believe you were in highschool. I've been fortunate to see you grow up alongside my son, and I'm so proud of all of you. But… you're all still new to the whole  _ adult  _ thing. I may not look a day over twenty five, so it must be hard to believe, but I've been at this for a bit longer," he joked, running a hand through his mostly-gray hair.

 

"One thing I've learned throughout life is… how do I put this...? Sometimes, no matter how prepared we think we are, terrible things happen, and there's nothing we can do about it. The world can be a scary,  _ random _ place. These things happen, not because we’re negligent, or somehow  _ deserving _ of them, but because our universe is just…  _ chaotic  _ by nature.”

 

Natsuki stared at him, taken aback. 

_ Does Pedro really have such an existential worldview?  _

 

He sighed. "Bah. I'm being a preachy old man, aren't I? Maybe this is something that needs to be experienced instead of told. I think you should talk to Tímida, though. Have a heart-to-heart. You might find that some of your assumptions about her thoughts and feelings are off."

 

"O-okay," Natsuki replied.

 

"Take time to gather yourself, though; there's no rush. And let me know the second you need anything, okay?"

 

She nodded and he smiled back at her as he disappeared through the door, leaving Natsuki alone in the bathroom. She took a few minutes to swish water through her mouth and splash her face, and started back into the hallway. After a deep breath, Natsuki crossed the threshold into the guestroom, where Monika sat on the floor with her back against the wall, holding Yuri's hand, and MC kneeled by the edge of her bed.

"H-hey, uhh… do you two mind giving Yuri and me some privacy for a minute?"

 

Monika looked up, and after a moment of sleepy processing, said "okay." Emmy nodded and followed her out of the room, gently closing the door behind him.

 

Natsuki grabbed the comforter from her bed and sat down beside her best friend, draping the blanket over both their shoulders.

"I'm sorry for… for scaring you. I thought I should wake you since you were having a nightmare but…"

 

"I-it's okay Nat. I… the n-nightmare was about  _ what happened _ and when I woke up with you standing over me, I thought you were…  _ him _ and... I'm s-sorry I kicked you. Did I trigger any-"

 

"No." She interrupted. "Well… a little bit but… I-it's okay."

A silence settled over them for a period of minutes while Natsuki tried to think of what to say first. There were so many different things on her mind. When she couldn't take it anymore, she picked at random and jumped straight in. "Have I been… i-invalidating your feelings… by trying to forcibly stop you from cutting? I… I really,  _ really  _ hate seeing you hurt yourself, but this… it's all so confusing, and I don't want to make it worse. S-so if you need to- like  _ really _ need to- I guess that's okay. Just… don't leave me behind, okay? I can't lose you, Yuri. I just can't."

 

"I-I…" Yuri paused for a long moment to gather herself."I don't know. I want to and I don't want to all at once. I think it's partly just...  _ being deprived _ of the alone time that I normally have to recharge. Like, I've been burnt out with no chance to recover, which is super stressful. B-but it's also partly what you said. When you take away the option, I feel… t-trapped.  _ Out of control, _ I guess. And it's really anxiety-inducing."

 

"I'm sorry, Yu."

 

"P-please don't worry about it too much. It's… I know you're trying to do the right thing. A-and I know it must be exhausting to… accommodate my issues. I-I don't want that to d-drive you away."

 

Natsuki rolled her eyes. "Don't think like that Yuri. You're my absolute best friend and I love you."

 

"Those things aren't m-mutually exclusive though," Yuri retorted. "Even if you pretend it's not there, there's some tiny kernel of frustration and resentment somewhere inside of you, and th-that exists alongside your other feelings."

 

Yuri leaned forward, looking blankly towards the ground as she focused on articulating her thoughts. "I-it's like the awful things I said to you earlier. What happened i-isn't remotely your fault, but it would be disingenuous to deny that some vile part of me feels resentful about the circumstances leading up to it. ...And I let that part take over when I was trying to hurt you. J-just like when Sh-Shiba yelled at me on that last night I spent with him."

 

The shy girl swallowed. "It's all helped me u-understand what happened with him better, and… b-blame myself a little less. M-maybe I could have convinced Shiba to get help if I hadn't ignored him, and maybe I wouldn't have been…  _ a-attacked _ if you hadn't p-pressured me into dating, but that doesn't mean we're  _ at fault _ , right?"

 

After a moment's pause, Yuri finally looked up to meet Natsuki's eyes. Nat quietly wrapped her arms around her best friend, pulling her close.

"...r-right."

 

_ I guess I've been the only one actually blaming me. And if it helps her… then I guess I can try to stop seeing it that way. _

 

"God dammit, Yuri. Why are  _ you  _ the one helping  _ me  _ feel better in this situation?" Natsuki half-joked, half-vented. "Are you sure you're okay? I've been thinking a lot about what happened three years ago and I just… promise me you won't try to do that again."

 

She could feel Yuri fidget in her arms. "...I'll try. I don't think it's th-that bad this time but I… I don't know. I-I'll try."

 

"I don't think you realize just how much I depend on you for emotional support," Natsuki stressed. "Just now, on my birthday, whenever I get all pissed off at work or at my boyfriends…  _ all the time _ . Maybe it's selfish, but I need you in my life. I want you to be the maid of honor when I get married. I want to have girls' nights with you when I need a break from my husband. I want my kids to love you and call you Auntie."

 

Nat felt Yuri press tighter against her shoulder, and she could hear sniffles in her right ear. "It's alright," she cooed, gently stroking her friend's upper back. "Let it out."

 

_ Genuine as the things I just said were, they probably hurt to hear, considering her feelings. This is such a sucky situation.  _

 

_ We'll get through it, though.  _

 

_ We have to.  _

  
  



	10. A Trigger (9)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri, feeling cooped up in the townhouse, wants desperately to go somewhere else, so Natsui, Sayori, and Monika take her out to the mall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a hot minute since I updated so let's have a refresher of the story so far.
> 
> Natsuki, an early-20s, full-time employee at her local grocery store's bakery, manages to pressure her best friend and flatmate Yuri into sharing post-breakup drinks with her. (Both of them are estranged from their families in one way or another, so they sort of fill that role for one another.) While grilling her inebriated friend about why she's never dated anyone, Nat learns that Yuri is a demisexual— someone who can only develop physical (and in her case, romantic) attraction for people with whom she shares a deep emotional connection. Not only this, but the two people that Yuri has had such feelings for are their close friend MC, and Natsuki herself. (A secret Yuri had kept, being painfully aware of Natsuki's heterosexuality)
> 
> Feeling remorseful about bullying this confession out of her housemate, Natsuki sets up a profile for Yuri on Kindler, a popular dating app, arguing that she'll never get close enough to develop attraction to anyone if she isn't meeting (and spending time with) new people. Natsuki emphasizes her friend's desire to take things very slowly in the profile, and orchestrates a date for her through the app. However, the date ends in tragedy when Yuri is doped with a partial dose of a date-rape , sexually abused, and harshly battered by her assailant after sobering up too early and trying to resist.
> 
> Natsuki is wracked with immense guilt over this turn of events that she played a major part in, and does her best to find some kind of therapeutic help for the self-employed, uninsured Yuri in their country's "free market," (American-esque) healthcare system. Eventually, Nat discovers that a coworker's sister is also a survivor of rape, and might be willing to mentor Yuri through her trauma and recovery. 
> 
> Meanwhile, Yuri's social anxiety is pushed to its limits as her friends practically put her on suicide watch, surveiling her around the clock while they stay as guests in the home of MC and his father. After tensions boil over in a bitter fight between Natsuki and Yuri, the two make up with a good ol' late night cry and the support of their friends, and start to process their feelings in the face of hazy causality and blame.

"Are you sure you can handle it?" Natsuki asked. "You've still been having panic at least once a day..."

 

"I know. I… might have an attack, b-but… I just _need_ to get out of this house for a while. I-If I have to watch any more movies or TV I'll spontaneously combust." Yuri listlessly poked at her half-eaten omelette with a fork as she complained.

 

Nat frowned _._

_I guess she has been stuck here all day watching TV and napping while we run errands for her..._

 

"We'll take you out somewhere if you finish your breakfast," Monika offered.

 

"Yeah, c'mon, my cooking isn't _that_ bad, is it?"

Sayori added facetiously. Her dishes were actually quite tasty nowadays, unlike the inedible fire hazards she would spawn when they first met.

 

"N-no!" Yuri replied, flustered. "It was good, Sayori. I just h-haven't had any appetite lately."

 

Sayo had come over to make breakfast for the other three— a rare opportunity since she normally outslept them, but after the late night disturbance, Natsuki, Monika, and Yuri had slept in.

 

"Please, Yuri, at least eat half of what you've got left," Natsuki begged, exasperated. "You've been eating like a church mouse since it happened, but your body _needs_ nutrients to recover. And you were already way too skinny beforehand! We've been over this."

 

Yuri groaned. Dejectedly, she forced down more of her omelette. Everything about her body language and expression told Natsuki that this wasn't an act— that she was genuinely queasy.

_Man. Of course nothing can be easy. When is she gonna catch a break?_

 

"So… what is it that you want to do today, Riri?" Sayori asked, leaning her elbows on the table.

 

Yuri seemed lost for specifics, failing to pull any ideas from the air. "Ah… I... A-anything really, as long as it's _out_."

 

"How about the movie theater then?" Monika teased. "It's been a while since you were able to sit and watch a movie, hasn't it?"

 

Yuri tried to glare back at her almond-haired friend, but she couldn't stop herself from smirking.

 

"Why don't we go shopping?" Natsuki suggested. "Your wardrobe's been mom-ifying again lately, so I want to help you put some decent outfits together. It'll be just like high school, when me and Sayo would go with you to help pick out clothes."

 

Yuri twiddled her fork around as she considered. "I… I don't know if I should. I'm not gonna be able to work as much for a while so m-money's gonna get really tight for me."

 

_Looks like she's not planning to jump straight back into her insane work schedule, so that's good. One less fight we'll need to have._

 

"It'll be my treat," Natsuki insisted. "I just want us all to take a nice day out and have some fun together. Take our minds off of everything else, y'know?"

 

While Natsuki was talking, Sayori had snuck around to the other side of the table, and before Yuri could protest the notion, she came to the rescue, hugging the taller girl from behind. "Ooh, yeah, that sounds really fun, Yuri! And it's a weekday so the stores'll be pretty empty. It's the perfect day for it!"

 

Yuri nodded hesitantly. "Y-yeah, I suppose it is..." 

From behind her head, Sayori winked at Nat and Monika, having successfully distracted their apprehensive friend from her financial objection.

 

* * *

 

The four young ladies sat in the mall food court having lunch. Natsuki glanced at the small pile of shopping bags beside her. There were a few less stylish outfits than she'd hoped to buy for her roommate, but she'd managed to sell Yuri on a cute star-print dress from Scalding Subject, so she considered it a victory overall. (Sightings of wild Yuris in dresses had grown increasingly rare over the years, and many scientists feared them extinct).

 

Things at the mall were busier than Natsuki had expected, and she could sense Yuri's growing distress in the well-populated eating area.

_We should've found a booth or something. Damn all these stay-at-home parents clogging the place up._

 

A group of dudebro college kids passed by, loudly conversing about the food court's relative superiority to their school's cafeteria in terms of food, but relative inferiority in terms of 'eye candy.'

"I mean, it's not all bad." one of them said, not-so-subtly gesturing towards the girls.

"Yeah, _one table_ of nice ass doesn't make up for the rest of the place. All these whales with their screeching kids..."

They laughed, completely oblivious to the fact that their voices could be easily picked up by everyone at the surrounding tables.

 

_These idiots..._

 

When the douchebags sat down just a few meters away from them, Yuri abruptly stood up, making a beeline for the toilets. Nat rose and followed as nonchalantly as possible to avoid drawing attention. When she entered the bathroom, she found Yuri anxiously pacing near the baby changing station, while another woman awkwardly and hurriedly washed hands at the sinks. The gaunt, bruise-covered girl walking back and forth while muttering under her breath would have been a concerning sight to any stranger.

_She looks like a tweaker, doesn't she..._

Natsuki calmly approached her roommate, grasping her hand and leading her into one of the two larger, wheelchair-accessible stalls offered by the facility.

 

"Yuri. Look into my eyes," she ordered in a hushed voice, taking her roommate’s second hand in her own. “Follow my breaths okay?”

Natsuki began to exaggerate the motions of inhaling, holding, and exhaling, counting seconds with gentle squeezes as she guided Yuri through a slow, measured breathing exercise.

 

She stopped after four repetitions (mostly to keep from passing out) and asked, "Are you okay?"

 

"Th-th-they… th-the way they were l-looking at us…" Yuri stammered. 

 

"I know, I know. It's okay. Don't worry, I won't let them anywhere near you. I doubt they have the nerve to actually approach us anyway."

 

"B-but what if they-"

 

"Then I'll tell them to fuck off. And if they don't leave, Moni will rip their fucking heads off. She's been training at that mixed martial arts gym since she first started college. You're safe with us, okay? I _promise_." Nat squeezed her hands again.

 

"I-I wasn't ready. I shouldn't have said anything— should have just k-kept my mouth shut and watched more s-stupid TV."

 

"Hey, don't say that! You were having a lot of fun before lunch, weren't you? You did good today, Yuri, I'm proud of you."

It seemed like everyone, including Yuri, had been able to put the incident out of their minds for a couple hours, but the objectifying comments of some thirsty college boys had pulled the trauma back to the forefront of her thoughts. Those few hours though, Nat thought, were a very good sign.

_One step at a time._

 

Yuri timidly nodded, shifting where she stood. After several moments she spoke.

"What if I never… I-If I can't return to normal? W-what if I'm always like this?"

 

The genuine hopelessness in Yuri's voice crushed Natsuki's heart like a vise. "Hey, c'mon. Were you _ever_ really normal?" She teased, trying to lighten the mood. "You'll get past this. Look at how much you improved from… then… to earlier this year," she said, pointing at Yuri's shirt where it hid the large scar on her stomach. "Sure, there have been a couple serious setbacks since Shiba passed, but… you're stronger than you think."

 

Yuri attempted to return Nat's smile. After a beat of silence, she changed the subject.

"I… uh… d-do you mind if I… had some privacy to use the toilet? W-while we're already in here…" Yuri’s face flushed red as she avoided eye contact.

 

"Oh, sure," Nat replied. "I'll head back to the table now, so take as much time as you need."

 

Just as she'd found her way back through the maze of tables and trash cans in the food court, Natsuki felt her phone buzz in her back pocket. As she pulled it out of her pocket, the screen heralded a new message from Yuri.

_What the…_

It read _'Could you please bring me a sanitary pad? I left my bag at the table, and I think my flow is starting.'_

 

 _Jesus, so clinical._ Despite her criticisms of the other girl's word choice, Nat felt a wash of relief. _Thank God it didn't happen when she was ovulating, though._ Yuri was generally embarrassed and secretive about anything bathroom-related, so Nat wasn't sure when her cycle fell. She'd been losing sleep worrying about the 5% failure rate of the contraceptive Yuri was administered at the hospital.

 

When Nat arrived at the table, she immediately began to dig through the small backpack that Yuri substituted for a purse in search of a maxi pad.

 

"Heyyyy. What's going on? Is she alright?!?" Sayori asked, clearly miffed that Nat was making no attempt to assuage her worries about Yuri's sudden exit.

 

"Oh, uh… yeah, sorry. She's okay now, I think. We dodged a bullet, by the way, because she needs this," Natsuki stated, holding up the menstrual product.

 

Sayori's eyes widened. "Oh, th-that's good. God, I was so worried about the _emotional toll_ and her injuries that didn't even consider the possibility of her being pregnant."

 

"Well, now you don't have to. Where’s Monika, by the way? I didn't hear anyone come into the toilets, but she’s not here..."

 

Her eyes followed Sayori's finger toward the the table of dudebros, where Monika sat, outwardly acting flirty. Nat, however, could sense malice just below the surface, having seen this behavior in the past.

"Ah jeez, is she doing that again? Like... they're kinda being assholes but she always takes this routine too far. It's not like they were actively harassing us or anything."

 

Sayori pulled at her hair absentmindedly as she looked on.

"Yeah, I tried to convince her not to but you know how she can be. I've only ever seen her mess with people like this when she's blowing off steam after a breakup— I'm kinda nervous what she might do with the self-righteous idea that she's defending Yuri somehow."

 

Natsuki groaned to herself.

"Alright, if she's not done by the time I'm back I'll put an end to it.”

 

After making her way back to the public restroom, Nat passed the pad to Yuri through the disturbingly large gap between the top of the toilet stall and the ceiling. 

"Here you are, mam," she said in an exaggerated customer service voice.

 

"Th-thanks…" came Yuri's meek reply.

 

"I'll leave you to it, then. Take a minute to do another round of breathing exercises after you're done, okay? There’s no rush." Natsuki ordered, before exiting the room once more. When she emerged and peered across the dining area, she immediately noticed the difference in Monika's body language, even from behind. The brown-haired girl's predatory stance as she loomed over the pallid-faced students told Nat everything she needed to know. She began to pick up her friend's words as she approached.

 

"...That's what happened. _Four fucking days_ ago. Did you even _see_ the _huge bruises_ on her face, or were you too busy staring at her chest? Now she's in the bathroom having some kind of _PTSD panic attack,_ all because you _dickless_ motherfuckers couldn't stop _pretending_ like you ever actually _get some_ for two minutes and keep your dumb fucking mouths shut in public!"

 

Monika hadn't raised her voice at all— in fact, she was speaking more quietly than before, but the amount of pure vitriol oozing venemously from her annunciation was astonishing. 

_At least she's guilt-tripping them instead of just purely being mean…_

 

Natsuki moved hastily, grabbing Monika's arm to interrupt her.

"C'mon Moni, she's gonna be back soon and she'll feel worse if she sees you doing this."

 

Monika huffed and wordlessly obliged, not before uncovering one of the boys' soda cups and dumping it into the boat of french fries they were sharing, all in one fluid motion. 

 

Just as they arrived back at the table, Nat saw Yuri enter the food court once again, anxiously glancing around as she weaved a zig zagging path through the tables and chairs. Before she could take a seat, Sayori stood up and started gathering up her things. 

"Yuri, do you mind if we finish eating in the car?" She asked. "The noise in here is getting to me a little."

 

Yuri looked up from the ground, where her gaze had been fixed.

"Oh, okay… A-are you sure that's okay with your parents? I wouldn't want to s-spill in their car while they're letting us use it."

 

The peach-haired woman smiled.

"Don't worry, my dad spills coffee n' stuff in there all the time. You just can't tell because the upholstery is black!"

 

"Ah… o-okay," Yuri hesitantly accepted the assurance.

* * *

As the four finished their lunches in the car that Natsuki previously assumed had a coffee-scented air freshener in it, Monika and Yuri both began to calm down. By the time everyone had finished eating, conversation had picked back up, and even Yuri was participating, almost as if the unkind interruption had never happened.

 

Almost.


	11. An Encounter (10)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls head back to the apartment to take care of Yuri's lizard, and meet a new acquaintance

"Where to now?" Sayori asked from the driver's seat.

 

"Nobody's gone over to feed Cecil yet today, so… wanna go hang out for the apartment for a while?" Natsuki suggested, with a knowing glance at Monika and Sayori up front. Yuri still hadn't been back since the two of them cleaned the place up, and they were all looking forward to her reaction. 

 

"Alright, next stop:  _ the apartment! _ " Sayori sang as she put the car in drive. 

 

While the vehicle sat at a traffic light not far from the mall, Natsuki's phone sprang to life with vibration. Its screen showed an incoming call from Ishanna.

 

"Hey Izzy," she answered, "what's up?"

 

"Nats! Are you home right now?"

 

"You mean my apartment, right? We haven’t been staying there the past few days, but yeah, we'll be stopping by in, like, 20 minutes. We spent some time at the north-end mall, so we're on our way back into the city right now... Why? What's up?"

 

"Okay, so I'm getting off my shift soon, and I've got a care package for Yuri and you from everyone at Maggie’s. I'll stop by to drop it off, 'kay?"

 

"Oh, uh...  Sure, I think that's fine," Nat replied, hoping the unexpected company wouldn't stress Yuri out too much.

 

"Sweet. Oh, and let me give Satti a call and see if I can pick her up on the way. I asked last night, and she said she'd be happy to meet Yuri."

 

"That's... your sister, I guess?"

 

Nat heard Ishanna smack herself in the forehead through the phone microphone."Oh, right, sorry! Yeah, she’s the one I was telling you about yesterday. Anyway, I'll see you in like… 45-ish minutes, okay?"

 

"That's great! Okay, seeya."

 

Natsuki sighed as she hung up, turning towards Yuri, who nervously looked up from the mobile puzzle game she'd been halfheartedly playing.

"Are people coming over, Nat?"

 

"Yeah, Izzy says everyone at the store put together a care package for us after they heard about what happened, and she wants to bring it over." Natsuki explained in the most reassuring tone she could muster.  _ Yuri likes Izzy alright, so it shouldn't be too bad. But... _

"And there's a possibility she might bring her sister, Satti," Nat continued. "Satti's also been… she's uuh... experienced _ what you just went through,  _ so I'd like you to meet her. I think talking with someone like that could be a big help to you."

 

"O-oh. Okay." Yuri nervously chewed on her lip. "I s-suppose that makes sense..."

 

The rest of the car ride passed in relative silence as Sayori quietly hummed along with the radio, and Monika typed away at some kind of text document on her phone. Meanwhile, Yuri stared out the window, clearly stewing in a pot of anxiety over this sudden meeting with a stranger she might end up having. Although Ishanna and Yuri had never hung out on their own, Nat thought they got along well when the three of them had spent time together. If Satti was anything like her sister, hopefully things would go smoothly. 

 

* * *

 

When Natsuki unlocked the apartment and pushed the door open, she noticed the scent. It wasn't particularly bad or good, just distinct. After spending only ten or so minutes there each day, her nose-blindness to the scent of her own home was starting to wear off.

 

_ So this is what everyone else smells when they come over huh? I'm glad it's not gross. That would be a shitty first impression. _

 

"D-did you guys clean in here?" Yuri asked. "It looks nice."

 

Sayori grinned. "Yeah, Moni and I did a little bit of work after you left with MC the other day. Wait till you see your room!"

 

“R-really?”

The other three followed Yuri to the door, which swung open and bathed them in the scent of freshly cleaned laundry. The formerly dark, claustrophobic den of scattered trash and piled clothing was now neatly organized, charmingly illuminated by natural light streaming through the open-curtained window. Neat stacks of folded clothing filled the cubbies, while the contents of the tidy desk surface sat pleasantly arranged.

 

"Th-this…" Yuri stammered in astonishment. "Everything's set up exactly where II u-used to have it... I-I don't know what to say."

She turned around and tightly wrapped a long arm around each of the two friends responsible. "Th-thank you."

 

After a moment she followed up with a question, with a slightly more worried demeanor."Y-you didn't happen to throw away all the papers I had lying about, did you?"

 

Sayori tapped on her forehead, replying, "Worry not, young one. We only threw away actual trash. All the papers and sticky notes and such are in the bottom drawer of your desk. I sorted them by type, so… letters, poems, job notes, etcetera."

 

Yuri pulled her into another hug. The reserved young woman could be surprisingly physically affectionate with her close friends, especially when struck with one of her more impulsive moods.

 

"What, no hug for me?" Nat teased. "I've only been looking after you 24/7 and coming by here  _ every day _ to take care of Cecil."

 

Yuri wore a mischievous grin as she released Sayori and approached. Before Nat could react she was lifted off the ground in a suffocatingly tight embrace. She found herself being swung back and forth as she struggled to escape, while the other two laughed on.

"Oh no! How could I forget my precious caretaker?!?"

 

_ Jesus Christ, I was kidding! This is something Sayori would do, though; she must be in a really good mood if she's acting like this… _

 

After Nat was replaced on solid ground, she noticed a flush creeping up Yuri's face. The tall girl retreated back into her shell as quickly as she had jumped out, looking embarrassed of what she had just done. 

"I-I'm sorry. I genuinely do appreciate e-everything you're doing for me. It's m-more than I could ever ask for."

Yuri's voice shrank in decrescendo as she spoke.

 

Avoiding any further eye contact, Yuri walked over to Cecil's enclosure and began to fuss over the lizard, which Nat and Monika took as a cute to filter out of her room. Sayori stayed behind to play with the lizard that she was surprisingly fond of.

 

With nothing else to do, at least for the time being, Natsuki flopped onto the sofa, shortly joined by her brown-haired friend. She turned on the TV for background noise as she occupied herself with her phone.  _ This is a shitty habit, _ she thought to herself, while making no effort to kick the shitty habit. Monika seemed content to do the same thing, so she didn't feel  _ too _ guilty. 

 

About ten minutes later, she heard the glass door of Cecil's enclosure sliding once again.  _ Yuri must be ready to feed him if she's putting him back in his cage. _

Natsuki got up to offer her assistance in cutting up the squash and cucumber. Strangely, though, as she approached the room, she heard a soft, crooning voice. 

 

_ "I hope someday you'll be surprised _

_ As color pours into your eyes _

_ And thoughts that glow like fireflies _

_ Illuminate your mind" _

 

The words were familiar, but Nat couldn't recall exactly where she'd heard this song before.

 

_ "I know you feel hollow and cracked _

_ A shambling puppet in an act _

_ Beneath the weight of traumas stacked _

_ By incidents unkind" _

 

The second stanza jogged Natsuki's memory. Back in the literature club days, they'd done a writing exercise where each of them had to write a poem for the person to their left in the style of the person to their right. These words were Yuri's attempt at imitating Nat's style while writing for Sayori. While she had doubts about how well Yuri captured her aesthetic, Natsuki couldn’t deny that she’d lilked the poem. She peeked into the room and saw Sayori sitting up beside the passed-out Yuri, now gently singing the poem like a lullaby while stroking Yuri’s hair.

 

_ "But write the script another page _

_ Don't let that puppet leave the stage _

_ Cause though it's far too small to gauge _

_ There's still a chance of change _

 

_ A microscopic shred of hope _

_ That all the weight won't snap the rope _

_ That pulls you up the steep slick slopes _

_ Throughout this mountain range" _

 

Sayo's voice cracked and wavered with emotion as she softly sang, boldly defying tears that threatened to silence her. The poem must have meant a lot to her if she still remembered it after so many years, and even created a Melody.

 

_ "And I'm a fucking hypocrite _

_ So close to falling in the pit _

_ But maybe if we face this shit _

_ Together there's a shot” _

 

_ I know I swear a lot but putting two in the same stanza? Jeez, past Yuri. _

 

_ “So stick around to cheer me on _

_ I'll pull you till my strength is gone _

_ We'll run this endless marathon  _

_ For longer than we thought" _

There was something to be said for this situation— the way the roles had changed and now the recipient was expressing the same sentiment through the same poem. Nat didn’t think irony was quite the right word, but four years in the workforce had rusted her glossary of literary devices, so she couldn’t think of an alternative.

 

Without breaking her gaze toward the sleeping Yuri, Sayori whispered "Hi, Nat. Ri conked out while Cecil was sitting on her, so I put him back." The peach-haired young woman could be frighteningly perceptive sometimes.

 

"O-oh, uh… okay. Um, I guess let her sleep a few more minutes until Izzy gets here. I'll go chop up some veggies for lizard boy."

 

Shortly after Nat served the bearded dragon his meal and sat back down, she got a ‘ _ here _ ’ text from Ishanna. She replied ‘ _ just a minute _ ’ and ran over to Yuri’s room. “Hey Sayo,” she whispered, “can you wake her up now? Tell her she can close the door if she needs a few minutes to psych herself up, okay? I’m still not sure if Izzy’s sister is coming or not so she might need it…”

 

Sayori gave thumbs up, and Natsuki set off to the ground level of her apartment building. As she entered the mailroom, her encumbered friend came into sight through the window of the front door, shadowed by a slightly shorter but nearly identical person. The woman who had to be ‘Satti’ had the same shade of naturally-blue hair, the same dark complexion, and the same foggy eyes as Izzy. The key differences were her short, messy hairdo, and her tomboy-ish sense of style.

 

Natsuki greeted them at the door as she unlocked it.

“Hey Izzy! And you must be Satti, nice to meet you.”

 

“Uh, yeah, same," replied Satti.

 

Ishanna peeked from behind a teetering stack of various foods and household items sprouting precariously from the cardboard box she was carrying. “Let’s chat once we get up there, guys, this shit’s heavy!”

 

“Right!” 

Natsuki grabbed as much as she could carry from the top of the pile and lead them upstairs. When they arrived at the apartment, Nat found Sayori and Monika milling around near the door. 

 

After introductions were made, there was a beat of awkward silence before Satti cleared her throat. 

"So, yeah, I came out of the closet right after I moved out of the house. And my off-the-boat, conservative Indian parents didn’t take too kindly to it, as you might imagine. They kicked me off their insurance n' stuff, and it was a couple years before I got it through my job, so I know a few things about  _ getting help _ for free."

 

_ Right down to business, huh? _

 

"Don't worry," Izzy added, "our folks have become a lot more accepting nowadays."

 

Satti nodded, looking slightly annoyed at the tangential side note.

 

Natsuki looked on eagerly.  “Would you mind sharing then?”

 

“Uh… sure?” Satti said, glancing back and forth for a moment. She pulled out her phone, bringing up a list she’d apparently made. 

 

“Alright, so first off, your friend should be able to apply for crime victim compensation through the government, which oughtta get her a session about once a month." She pondered for a moment, scratching her head. "That'll pay for meds, too, if I remember right. She can also get weekly sessions for free with psych students at the university. I know it sounds a little sketch, but they're, like, really closely monitored by licensed therapists who know what they're doing, and they’re pretty far along in their degrees at that point." 

 

"Really? That's good to know. I need to write this stuff down," Natsuki commented, fumbling around the kitchen drawers for a pen and paper.

 

"Yeah, sure. I can, like, repeat stuff if you need... But yeah, there are also support groups. The one at the community center in the south end is the best in my opinion. They meet twice a month."

 

"Oh yeah," Monika added, "I saw that there were, like, three different ones around the city when I was researching and I wasn't sure if they'd be any different."

 

"Mmm. The other two are both run by religious groups, and they have the whole 'higher power’ thing as a big aspect of the process, which I didn't jive with, personally. Nothing against that if it's your thing, but… y’know. I’m not gonna _ forgive  _ my rapist because that’s what someone’s skydaddy wants."

 

Natsuki nodded, holding back a laugh at the blunt comment. "Yeah, I don't think that would be Yuri's thing either."

 

"Ok. The last one I have is this online forum thing I’m a member of. Kinda like a virtual support group. It’s a good place if you need to vent, I guess, and there’s pretty much always someone online there. Not professional at all, but just talking to someone can help sometimes."

 

Satti hesitated for a moment before proceeding. "So, uh… should I, like, go meet her? I feel weird talking about this person I've never met in her own apartment. Especially when she's actually  _ here _ somewhere."

 

_ I guess this is pretty strange. I was in such a rush to hear what she had to say… _

"Oh, right. I'll go check if she's ready. She’s got social anxiety, and she’s been really on edge since it happened, so I wanted to... y’know,  give her a minute."

 

"Mmm. Makes sense I guess."

 

Before Natsuki could shuffle over to Yuri's bedroom, the door opened from the inside. 

"I'm okay, Nat," Yuri said before turning towards Satti. "I-it's nice to meet you. I-I'm Yuri. O-oh, and welcome back, Ishanna. Good to s-see you." Izzy waved a greeting, but her sister squinted at Yuri across the small apartment.

"You… look really familiar... But yeah, hi." 

 

Yuri glanced at each of the five people hovering around the kitchen, unsure of how to respond. After an uncomfortable moment, she beckoned Satti towards her room. "D-do you mind if we speak in here? I-It would be strange to talk about… it… with a big audience."

 

"Yeah, that's fine with m- Ooh! I know! You were in a band that used to play at the Gem a lot, right? You played bass!"

The Gem was a local night club and music venue that small bands from around the city would play at.

 

"Oh.. y-yeah we’d play there s-sometimes. Usually with Protyst and Gullwatch."

 

The conversation faded away as the pair went together into Yuri's room.  _ Well that could have gone worse... _

 

The remaining women drifted into the living room while Yuri and her to-be mentor got to know one another. As Natsuki lowered herself into the floor allowing her three guests seats on the sofa, she heard Satti exclaim from the other room. "Aww, look at this little guy! I love beardies!"

 

_ I really hope this works out… _

Some part of Natsuki still felt responsible for what happened to Yuri. She had a deep drive within her to offer protection and healing to her best friend, and relying on this new, unknown person for that was disquieting.

 

"So what do you think of her?" Izzy asked with an amused grin on her face. "Pretty weird right?"

 

Natsuki thought about her past ten minutes with the somewhat blunt woman and smirked.

"I wouldn't be throwing stones in your glass house Izzy, she's like a _slightly_ more eccentric version of you. _Very_ _slightly_.

 

"Well yeah, but I’m, like, at the border of what's acceptable. She took one step too far and fell off the edge of the cliff."

 

"I don't know, I think she's  _ fine _ . If anything you're  _ both _ flattened pancakes at the bottom of the cliff together," Nat teased.

 

"I know. For real, though, I love her.” Izzy added. “She's really genuine and caring in her own way."

 

"I thought she seemed nice," Sayori chimed in. "She actually put some effort into, like, writing down notes about all those free treatment options. All for a complete stranger, too."

 

Monika nodded in agreement. "Seems like they have a lot in common, if Satti's into the trippy music Yuri's band would play and also likes reptiles. Hopefully they'll get along."

 

Izzy looked up as she pondered. "Yeah, she doesn't talk about it much, but I think being assaulted really affected Satti more than she lets on. She was, like,  _ super _ eager to help when I told her about what happened to Yuri. I think she might get a lot out of it too."

 

There was a moment of silence before Monika smirked at Natsuki. "They'd make a pretty cute pairing right? They're both a bit socially awkward, Satti a little less-so, but she's bold and direct while Yuri's reserved and thoughtful… And plus there's the height difference!"

 

"Monika, are you kidding me right now?" Nat shot back. "Are you  _ shipping _ our friend like a fictional character?" 

 

"Hey I'm joking okay? Well… half joking. I'm just saying they  _ would  _ be an adorable couple in some  _ hypothetical _ timeline..."

 

"Dude, knock it off with that! She's supposed to be mentoring her, not banging her!" Izzy scolded facetiously. "Wait, for real though, is Yuri bi or something? It could be trouble if one or both of them catch feelings and things go south."

 

Natsuki ran a hand through her hair, too frazzled to worry about the specifics until later. "We can cross that bridge if we come to it, I guess."

Her non-denial of Yuri being something other than straight drew a nod of acknowledgement from Sayori and a smug look of validation from Monika. Nat shot the latter a glare.

 

* * *

 

That night, Yuri insisted on doing the lion’s share of the cooking, so Natsuki and MC busied themselves with setting the table and cleaning the house in general, while Pedro acted as the assistant chef. Sayori and Monika arrived back from the former's family home just in time for dinner, and when the six of them sat down to eat, the conversation quickly drifted to the trip the girls had taken that day.

 

"I never took you for someone who minded staying inside, Tímida. Isn't being out in public hard for you?" Pedro asked.

 

Yuri played with her hair as she replied meekly. "W-well yes, but… I haven't had all that much to occupy myself with while I've been here. And... I-I don't know. Staying somewhere that isn't home… it's not quite the same."

 

"Ha! You don’t have to tell me twice. If I have to travel this often for work much longer I’m going to drop dead," he joked. “But what if... this  _ were  _ your home? At least for a little while? The two of you could move in and spend a year or two  _ saving _ all your money instead of putting it towards rent and bills… then you might not need to work yourself to death with so many contracts, just to get by, Yuri." 

 

_ So even Pedro knows she's driving herself into the ground with contracts, huh? That is a tempting offer, but I feel like living here with free food and free rent would be wrong... _

 

Yuri shifted in her seat. "I… r-really appreciate the offer, but… I think that would be too much. And I'm not quite ready to give up the apartment."

 

"Bah, I figured as much. I just wanted to put it out there. Ever since you two were estranged from your families, I've thought of you almost like adoptive kids.  _ Paternal instincts _ , I guess you could call it. So… please call me the second you need  _ any kind of help _ with  _ any kind of thing _ , okay? You need to borrow the car, you need someone to cook for you, you need help moving or cleaning or dealing with taxes, let me help you, alright?" Pedro playfully slapped MC on the back of the head as he continued "I guess Mijo can help too if he's not too busy playing his video games."

 

"Hey!"

 

Yuri nodded timidly. "Thanks. W-we will." Her gaze lowered to the table in front of her as she took a deep breath. "I… I know you're all w-worried about me with how much I work. I've been th-thinking about it a lot since it came up briefly this morning and… I-I don't think I want to go back to working the way I have been. P-putting in sixty plus hours, all averaging out to  _ significantly _ less than minimum wage… I'm not giving up on writing, o-or on contracts in general, but I think it's time for me to start a normal part-time job again."

 

Natsuki's wave of relief was shortly followed by a wave of guilt.  _ Look at me- being happy that my best friend is relegating her life's passion to to a side job. Fuck. _

 

Monika and MC both nodded thoughtfully but Sayori, sitting beside Yuri, looked a bit more concerned.

 

"What's the matter, Sayo?" Monika asked. Nat listened intently as she hesitantly began to explain.

 

"Well, it's just…" the peach-haired young lady placed her own hand upon Yuri's as she turned and spoke to her. "It's hard to put into words, but… I'm worried that if you put your passion on the backburner, you'll start to feel lost or stuck, and it could be bad for your mental health."

 

Sayori's voice grew thinner and more strained as she talked through an obvious lump in her throat. "I'm just… I have to go back tomorrow night and… I'm gonna be so worried about you while I'm gone and… I don't know. What if this change goes badly? I want to be here to help but…"

 

"Ah… it'll be okay, Sayori. I-I… think. If I have a steady income from a day job, then for the contracts I do take, I'll have the freedom to choose w-whichever is most interesting. I won't have to base my decisions totally on payout. S-so it won't be too bad overall."

 

Sayori showed a weak smile at the reassurance. 

 

"I find your lack of faith disturbing," quipped Nat with a smug smile. She'd always wanted to use that line. 

 

"Yeah, it'll be fine, Sayo," Monika assured. "She's got these three looking after her. And plus, look at what Yu's made it through already. She's resilient."

 

"Yuri survived being dragged into the pit twice at that Bojira and Neshuggah concert we went to. This'll be nothing!" MC's joke earned an eye roll from Sayori and made Yuri blush, successfully lightening the mood.

 

"You're such a dork, Emmy," Nat chided. "Pass me the water."

 

With a defiant glare, MC stood up and placed the water pitcher on the kitchen counter, two meters further away from Natsuki than it had been to start with.

 

Pedro turned to his son, eyebrows raised. "Bring that back or it's getting dumped on your head, Mijo."

 

Yuri failed to contain a laugh at her chosen family's antics as she took a sip from her own water, sending the cold liquid into her nose and making her choke.

 

Natsuki looked around at the table of smiling, laughing, eye-rolling faces, and finally felt a balance shift inside her, as hope outweighed her doubts and fears.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last main story chapter! Epilogue coming soon. Here I am introducing a new major character in the last dang chapter. I stand by the decision though; this whole fanfic is about the world being a scary random place, with the characters trying to cope with that, so if I structured things based on traditional narrative practices, with symmetry and conclusive, poetic allegorical resolutions and all that jazz, it would kind of undermine that whole idea. Idk if I'm skilled enough to be capable of that kind of thing, even if I tried.
> 
> Anyway, I hope this is somewhat satisfying despite all that, and I hope you've enjoyed the ride! Stay tuned for the last entry.
> 
> On another note, I finally took the leap and injected my own mediocre poetry into the story. An unofficial right of passage for any DDLC fanfic writer, I suppose :P   
> That poem was actually lyrics for a song my band might do some day, that I wrote for a friend. (You can find a writing demo here if you're interested, though I imagine sayori's version would sound much different. https://drive.google.com/file/d/18KUBzCA2za7mOqyAhRXvcrmQhoiflEJq/view?usp=drivesdk)


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